You Can't Go Home Again (Or Can You?)
by Jess13
Summary: After losing Clara, the Doctor is crushed and the TARDIS wants to help. He is reunited with some old friends, but as the saying goes, "You can't go home again." … Right? Takes place after New Who Series 9 episode Face the Raven. AU. Final chapter now up!
1. Chapter 1

You Can't Go Home Again (Or Can You?)

 **Rating:** T

 **Summary:** After losing Clara, the Doctor is crushed and the TARDIS wants to help. He is reunited with some old friends, but as the saying goes, "You can't go home again." … Right?

 **Characters:** 12th Doctor, Jamie McCrimmon, Zoe Heriot, other characters

 **Genres:** Drama, Angst, Alternate Universe, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Humor

 **Notes:** Takes place after New Who Series 9 episode Face the Raven. However, in this universe the Doctor hasn't been teleported away into the location for Heaven Sent. Also, I'm ignoring the whole Series 6B thing for reasons that you'll see later.

 **Disclaimer:** Sadly, not my characters. Even though I've been a Doctor Who fan for many years, this is my very first DW fanfic. It's unbetaed, so any mistakes are mine and mine alone.

Chapter 1

The lights inside the TARDIS dimmed slowly to a soft purple color and a faint, cool breeze swept around the control room. It was her version of a sigh. The Doctor was moping. Oh, was he moping. It was no understatement that his down mood was beginning to rub off on her.

Oh, yes, he had every right to mope. He'd just lost Clara, his recent companion and dear friend. Even worse, once he knew she was to die, deep down he also knew there was no way to prevent her death. After he'd spewed every threat of revenge against Ashildr, Clara had also insisted that he not do anything to avenge her death. The Doctor actually felt helpless.

He'd tried to move on but nothing seemed to please him. He'd even taken out his guitar but the best he could do was a version of "Smoke on the Water" that was so slow and maudlin it sounded like a funeral dirge. He'd also spent most of his time reading depressing books and listening to music on his portable device which, although she couldn't hear it herself, absolutely had to be the most depressing dreck she'd think of.

Again, he had every right to mope. But this was too much.

Feeling the Doctor approach her main controls, she turned the lights up to a more cheerful color resembling sunlight. It didn't seem to have an effect as she caught his weary face when he slumped into the jump seat.

His gaze fell upon her and this time it seemed apologetic. "Sorry, Old Girl. I suppose I've been quite a downer lately. Hm?" Boy, was that an understatement. His voice sounded raw and tired. "I think some rest and relaxation is in order. Why don't we head for Natralia? That crisp mountain air may do me some good..."

He stopped mid-sentence and screwed his eyes shut, almost in pain. That was the planet on which he and Clara would spend some time recharging their batteries after a few harrowing encounters. "Damn!" He exclaimed, slapping his open palms on the console.

She wasn't expecting that and trembled in reaction.

"Sorry," he said, gazing at her apologetically once again. He did not need to apologize, but she hated seeing him this way. She wanted to help. She _needed_ to help.

He was all alone now. Well, that wasn't quite true; he had her. But his behavior demonstrated he was sorely in need of human companionship. He also gave her the impression he was feeling useless. He didn't say it outright, of course, but it was all over his face whenever he gazed at the view screens, looking completely lost.

He needed to be around people. He needed a purpose.

Recalling all the companions of his she'd gotten to know over the years, an idea suddenly struck. She started scanning different locations, looking for any familiar heat signatures. Any signs of life. She'd memorized them all over the years. Some of them had met with unfortunate fates, but there were still some out there.

Nope, nothing.

But then...

She zeroed in on one particular location, hoping that her hunch was correct.

Bulls eye.

She brightened for a moment and then felt a sense of pity at the sight that greeted her. Her focus returning to the Doctor, it was quickly replaced by a sense of determination.

He needed this. He really needed this.

The location secured, she switched back to him and noticed he'd managed to doze off, his head resting on her console. Trying to rouse him as gently as possible, she made the console vibrate. When that proved ineffective, she gave a quick jolt to the right.

"Ahh!" The Time Lord was nearly knocked off his feet. Catching his balance, he briefly glared at her. "I can't even remember the last time I slept. What's so important that you had to practically give me whiplash?"

She directed his attention to the view screen in front of him.

He shrugged. "Hm. Okay. It's not Natralia but that's probably for the best. Those moors look rather desolate." He chuckled humorlessly. "Perfect for my mood. If this was your idea of cheering me up, I hate to tell you-"

He stopped as she shifted the view toward the east, showing a small group of men, several buildings of interest and finally a scan showing life signs she hoped he would recognize.

He certainly did. The Doctor's eyes narrowed as he stared intently at what she was showing him, as if he were trying to decipher some intricate riddle. It didn't seem to take long when his breath caught and his eyes widened.

"Could it really be?" he muttered.

The TARDIS gave him her version of a nod and she saw emotion briefly pass over the Doctor's face, quickly replaced by a look of new found determination. He pulled a few levers, setting her on a course for the destination in question.

"Time to go and be a Doctor."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The Battle of Culloden

Scotland, 1746

"Meal's here finally! Ye want yer share, laddie?"

"No, thank ye," came the tired response.

"Suit yerself. It's the last ration of the day. Yer gonna have quite a fight on yer hands if ye wait much longer..."

James Robert McCrimmon watched his cell mate beat a hasty retreat and lowered his head in exhaustion. He didn't feel much like eating. Every day it was the same: twice a day he and the other prisoners would be given a ration of food, which wasn't much of anything. In the morning it was cold, congealed gruel of some sort. Later in the day it was a few stale pieces of bread and scraps of cold meat – lamb, most likely. Hell, he couldn't really tell as most of the taste had gone out of it long since, probably. Or maybe his taste buds quit working.

The rest of the days they'd endured interrogation by the Redcoats, asking all sorts of ridiculous questions they didn't know the answers to, or even care about. The nature of their replies didn't matter; the interrogation always ended with the Redcoats inflicting some sort of corporal punishment on them.

As if the punishment they doled out wasn't bad enough, some animosity had developed within the prison cell. The rations of food were never enough for the seven of them and there was always a huge fight to get a decent amount. Jamie being rather small in stature was at a natural disadvantage, although there were times they underestimated him. He was small but he was also quick and resourceful. One of the reasons he'd told his cell mate he wasn't hungry was that he'd hidden away most of his ration from the night before. He'd saved it under his huge tartan sash, well-wrapped so none of them would suspect. He'd done it several times already over the past week or so. Of course he'd have to be careful and wait until they were all busy collecting the rations or taken out for questioning to eat lest they'd catch him.

Luckily that hadn't happened yet, but he'd still managed to get roughed up. He'd been having strange dreams nearly the whole time he'd been here. They usually involved him fighting battles – not the usual ones, but battling some odd creatures: men made of metal, huge hairy beasties, and giant, strange-looking men wearing odd battle uniforms to name a few. The warriors on his side weren't his fellow Jacobites. They appeared to be strangers of this land and some of them were even women. The leader of their – for lack of a better word – clan was a man of similarly small stature with dark hair and a strange uniform. His fort seemed to consist of a rectangular blue building: a strange one that looked small on the outside but with an interior that belied its outward appearance.

At first Jamie had chalked these dreams up to exhaustion, maybe even to a bit of delirium from being so hungry half the time, but they persisted night after night and they only seemed to get more vivid as time went on. He'd ended up confiding in Angus, one of his cell mates. He was sure the older man would find him daft, but he seemed to be the only one who would take him seriously half the time; not quite a friend, but something close. He'd pleaded with Angus not to tell any of the others, especially the ones who were more apt to tease or start arguments. The man had kept his word at first, but about a week later he'd begun telling some of them what Jamie had told him. The young man quickly realized there was hardly anyone he could trust now.

It was mostly teasing at first but it soon escalated into outright malicious taunting. They started calling him "daft" or "stupid", accusing him of making up stories just for attention. He was the "little bairn with the fantastic rubbish in his head." They'd push and shove him. Jamie would fight back but he always seemed to have bad timing. Most times the guards would catch him, blaming him for starting a ruckus. On the rare occasions they happened upon the others physically attacking him, they would play innocent and blame Jamie for starting it in the first place. It seemed he couldn't win no matter what.

He began to realize those dreams he had seemed tied to these vague memories of something that had happened not long before he'd ended up in this prison cell: memories of the tall, slender blue fort, this "clan" with whom he was doing battle, and their leader. They'd helped rescue him and had sent his Laird and Kirsty on a ship to Paris. Jamie had elected to stay behind and navigate them through the moors to get back to their fort. The next thing he knew, he was back in the middle of the fight and all traces of these strange people and their fort were gone. A Redcoat had shot at him and he'd taken off after the man. He was suddenly ambushed by another group of Redcoats from behind who had captured him and thrown him into prison. He now wished he had been shot out on the moors and left for dead.

He wasn't even sure how long he'd been in here. He'd long stopped keeping track of how much time had passed, but he guessed it had to be around four weeks, a month at most. He was tired. He was hungry. He was sore and he was dirty. Under strict supervision of the guards, they were taken out to bathe in the cold loch water and made to shave with a straight razor once a week if they were lucky. He'd also earned quite a collection of bruises and cuts both from his cell mates and from the Redcoats' interrogation methods. His stomach ached from not eating enough to nourish himself.

He was pulled from his thoughts as he heard his cell mates arguing over the last rations and decided it was his chance to eat another portion of the food he'd hidden away from himself. Looking around cautiously and seeing no sign of the other men, he carefully lifted his sash and grabbed another handful of the cold meat in the small bucket. He was about to put it in his mouth when he noticed something moving. He wrinkled his nose in disgust upon finding maggots crawling around it and threw it to the ground. He gazed mournfully at the rest of the food which was no doubt riddled with more of them.

"What's this now?!" a voice suddenly boomed behind him, causing him to yelp and jump in surprise. He wheeled around, coming face to face with Ian, a fair-haired man in his thirties who was much taller and looked like he could fall a group of twenty men with his bare hands.

Jamie stared at the larger man, at a loss for words as his heart started pounding in his chest.

"Where'd ye get that, hm?" he questioned accusingly, yanking Jamie's piled up sash away and dumping the contents of the bucket on the ground. He picked up the meager amount of meat, eyeing it closely and then tossing it when he seemed to notice the maggots. "How long've ye had this, McCrimmon?"

Jamie continued to stare at him in fear and merely shook his head.

Regarding the spoiled meat again, Ian sniffed in disgust. "Day or two at least. Ye stole it, didn't ye?"

The man's accusing gaze unrelenting, Jamie finally nodded and his gaze dropped to the ground. "Aye," he replied quietly.

"HOW MUCH?! Ye little bastard! We all wouldnae been starvin' so much if it weren't for ye and yer selfish ways," he shouted, pushing Jamie hard.

"And how's that?! Ye'd eat it with all those maggots crawling about? Ye just dumped it all on the ground!" Jamie shot back, smacking Ian's hands away from his chest.

"Aw shut up, ye wee little trouble-maker!" Ian pushed Jamie hard once again until his back was up against the cell wall. "Why don't ye dream up more fantastical rubbish in that thick skull o'yers?! Ooh, the big blue fortress and the battles against the metal men!" he taunted, waving his hands in the air. Jamie fixed him with a hard glare, his nostrils flaring. The older man ignored him and looked back toward the others. "Ach, look who's been stealin' rations!"

Jamie briefly shut his eyes and groaned, hearing cries of disbelief and the thunderous sound of boots. They were all in front of him, looking angrily in his direction as Ian showed them the bucket and the scraps of meat on the ground.

"What is the meaning of this?! Ye hoardin' all the food for yerself?!" one man shouted.

"But I hardly took anyth-"

"Aye, right!" another named Robert chimed in sarcastically. "Ye probably ate most of it before Ian caught ye now. Selfish bampot. Yer gannae make us all starve to death!" Pushing Ian out of the way, he got dangerously close to Jamie and spat on him.

Jamie flinched for a brief moment. He narrowed his eyes dangerously and began breathing fast and hard through his nose before shoving Robert. "Look, if ye would just _listen_..."

"Shut yer pus. We're no' listenin' to any more of yer mince."

The two men and Ian having moved apart, Jamie was able to see the other prisoners behind them. He saw Angus watching with an expression on his face that seemed almost sympathetic. Jamie locked eyes with him in desperation, hoping Angus would come to his rescue. The older man looked away and then gazed at the ground, obviously not interested in helping. Jamie snorted inwardly. He was the one who had told the others about Jamie's dreams in the first place. Why on earth would he be interested in helping?

He didn't have time to react when he felt suddenly felt something pressing into his chest. He lifted his gaze to find Ian holding a rile – one a guard probably dropped – on him and glaring angrily.

"I've 'ad enough of ye. We all have. First the fantastical rubbish and now yer stealin' our food. There's but one thing left tae do..."

Jamie began praying that the rifle wasn't loaded, but it was in vain as he heard the distinctive 'click' of a bullet being chambered. Jamie held his left arm out and, feeling the absence of a wall, he pivoted and clumsily ran backwards a good ten feet into one of the cell's corners.

Ian approached with the rifle and Jamie backed away until he once again had his back against a wall. As Ian neared, Jamie caught the pure hatred reflected in his eyes.

"Ach, I am gannae enjoy this."

Jamie quickly moved his head from side to side, looking for an opening but there was none. He was literally as good as dead. Feeling the barrel of the rifle dig further into his chest, he squeezed his eyes shut and grimaced, expecting to be met with white hot pain.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

A single gunshot pierced the air followed by cries of alarm.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Jamie cautiously opened one eye. He wasn't dead? No, he most certainly wasn't. Panting, he dropped his gaze to his chest. He wasn't even injured. Judging from Ian's swearing up at the roof, he'd shot the rifle straight up and that's where the bullet had landed. In the confusion he noticed his cell mates had moved away and were staring in shock at a man standing before their cell. He wanted to thank the mystery visitor for coming to his rescue, but who was he? Jamie couldn't really make out any of his features in the relative darkness of the prison. All he noticed was that he seemed thin, was wearing a dark colored suit and had a mass of gray hair atop his head.

"Who the devil are ye?!" Ian shouted at the stranger.

"I'm the man you should be worried about, not the one you think is depriving you of a meal!" the man exclaimed. Jamie caught his accent. It was Scots for sure; maybe not exactly a Highland accent, but he certainly didn't sound like a sassenach.

"Ach, is that so?" Robert sneered. "Who are ye, his dad?"

Again, the prison was rather dark, but at that moment Jamie thought he saw some emotion pass over the stranger's face. Maybe it was his imagination.

"No, ee's his mum!" another declared with a smirk.

"You are not to hurt this man. If you even try, I will inform the Redcoats and I can promise you, your punishment will be severe."

"Oh, aye, the Redcoats won't do a damned thing. They know he's a daft little bairn who is not right in the head."

"Of course he isn't. How could anyone be right in the head after being left to rot in a prison such as this?" the stranger countered. "And that goes for you chaps as well."

Jamie watched as the man suddenly pulled something from his pocket. It was a long instrument of some sort. Something about it seemed awfully familiar to him, but, again, it was probably just his imagination.

"Which is why I think this treatment will do ya!" The man suddenly aimed the instrument at Jamie's cell mates and a high-pitched noise emanated from it.

More cries of alarm filled the cell, and then one by one the men collapsed on the ground.

Jamie stared in shock at the stranger. He carefully approached the front of the cell, stopping only once to look back at his unconscious cell mates. He turned back to the man. He had so many questions to ask, but all that came out was: "Are they dead?"

The man gave him a smile that seemed friendly in nature. "No. They're just stunned. But they will wake up soon so I need to know: where is the key?"

"Um... The guard has it," Jamie replied, still dazed as he reached up and moved some of his long fringe away from his eyes.

"The guard?" the man repeated, raising his eyebrows.

"Aye, the guard outside."

"Ah," the man replied, his eyes widening in what seemed to be realization. "The guard I temporarily knocked out." A lopsided grin appeared on his face and it made Jamie's lips twitch into a faint smile of his own. The man made him feel very at ease for some reason. It was as if he'd known him before even though he was sure that was impossible.

"I'll be back in two shakes," the man continued, gesturing toward the prison doors.

Jamie nodded, even though the man had already left the building by the time he'd inclined his head. He turned and looked worriedly at his still unconscious cell mates. He hoped this strange man wouldn't be too long. He doubted they'd be happy when or if they'd wake up.

Before he could even begin to worry, the strange man was back in front of him. Jamie's mouth dropped open in surprise as the man triumphantly held up the key. "H-how did ye...?"

"Don't say a word, Jamie," the man returned, hastily sticking the key in the hole and unlocking the bars, swinging them outward. "Come on." He gestured for Jamie to leave the cell, but he wouldn't budge. The man _had referred to him by name_.

"How d'ye know my name?" Jamie asked in a quiet voice, eyeing the strange man suspiciously.

The man seemed to ponder this before answering. "Let's just say we have history."

Jamie quirked an eyebrow. "Ye gannae have tae tell me what that means before I go anywhere." He folded his arms across his chest.

The man appeared nervous, glancing down at Jamie's cell mates who were still out cold. "I will, I promise. But we really should get out of here."

"Look, I'm findin' it difficult tae trust _any_ one at the moment. The last chappie I thought I could trust made a fool out of me when he told the others aboot my dreams—" Jamie quickly clamped his mouth shut. Shit, he'd said too much. Now this stranger was going to think he was insane as well.

Instead, the man's eyes widened as if he'd had some revelation. "Yes, yes, the dreams! The dreams of the big blue box larger on the inside than outside, battling the metal Cybermen, the large, hairy Yetis, the strangely-outfitted Ice Warriors. Am I right?"

Jamie stared hard at the man. How on earth did he know what he was dreaming about? He didn't recognize the names, but the descriptions were right on the money. "How...How do ye know all that?"

"Because it's me, Jamie. The Doctor."

Jamie's jaw dropped. That was the name of the commander of the "clan" from his dreams. But it couldn't be. That man was so different-looking. Could this man have been an accomplice of his? Jamie surely didn't recognize him from the dreams...

"I know I look different, but trust me. It's me. Just another … me."

Jamie continued to stare. "D-Doctor?" he finally said, barely above a whisper. "But how...?"

"I'll explain everything. Now come along." He held out his hand and Jamie took it as he exited the cell. Just as they were about to leave, Jamie looked back at his cell mates lying scattered on the floor. The man who said he was the Doctor was staring at them as well, appearing to be contemplating something. He grabbed hold of the cell bars as if he were going to shut and lock them again.

"Ye gannae leave them there?"

"Why should I free them after what they've done to you?" the Doctor said darkly. "That one man tried to _kill_ you, for heaven's sake."

Jamie looked back at them and snorted scornfully. They did a large part to make his life a living hell for the past month and he first thought the Doctor was right. But regarding the conditions of the prison, he couldn't quite agree. "They were prisoners as well, Doctor. They were tryin' to survive just as much as I. The Redcoats did no' exactly treat us well."

The Doctor sighed and seemed to be considering Jamie's point of view. "Alright. I'll leave it open. After they come to and decide to escape, their lives will be in their own hands. How's that for a compromise?"

Jamie conceded that was fair and nodded.

The Doctor let go of the bars and headed back for the prison door, Jamie following close behind.

"Now what?" he asked.

"Suppose I'd better return this key to its owner," the Doctor answered, looking at the rusty key in his hand.

"I dinnae know if that's a good idea," Jamie said uneasily, pointing at the guard who was now very much awake and looking in their direction.

"Bollocks," the Doctor muttered under his breath. Jamie picked up the slight nod he'd given him, moving closer toward the guard. He hoped the Doctor had some kind of plan. From the dreams he'd had, he remembered this chappie being quite clever, but again this man seemed so different from him.

"Hey! Who are you and what are you doing with that prisoner?" the Redcoat guard bellowed.

He watched the Doctor remove a small card of sorts from his pocket. "Beg your pardon, Sergeant. I'm Doctor Disco from Inverness." He presented this card to the guard, who seemed to buy his cover.

"You're a doctor?"

"That's right. Doctor of Psychiatry. I was summoned by your superiors to see about this young man's delusions."

The guard snorted. "Delusions. Yes, the other prisoners told us all about them. Fanciful rubbish."

Jamie couldn't help but scowl at him, even though the guard didn't take notice.

"Yes, of course. I was summoned to perform a complete evaluation of this prisoner. If he is deemed mentally unstable I shall have him committed to an asylum where he can be administered to properly. If there is nothing wrong I will have him placed back in your care."

Jamie's breath hitched. Neither fate sounded particularly appealing. Once he caught the Doctor's quick little wink in his direction he calmed down.

The guard however seemed skeptical. "I was never told by my superior of your arrival or anything of that nature."

"Well, then your superior doesn't think as highly of you as he should! You should have a good chat with him about that," the Doctor said in a cocky tone.

"Sir! I'll have you know that -" the guard sputtered.

Jamie turned to the Doctor who raised his eyebrows at the man and assumed a challenging stance.

"I'm going to have a talk with my superior and get to the bottom of this," the guard finally huffed. He turned to another guard who had just exited a cottage that had been taken over by his men. "Watch these two whilst I'm gone. See that they don't escape." He then turned on his heel and headed for the same cottage.

The other guard neared Jamie and the Doctor, keeping his rifle aimed at them.

Several minutes later, the guard's superior exited the cottage, flanked by two other guards. He eyed the Doctor up and down intently before formally proffering his hand. "I am Lieutenant Alistair Tewksbury, Sir. And you are...?"

"As I told your Sergeant, I'm Doctor Disco," the Doctor returned, revealing his card once again. "I'm surprised you didn't know I was coming."

Jamie looked nervously from the Doctor to the Lieutenant as the latter man's eyes narrowed in apparent suspicion. "No, I did not. I was never informed of such a thing."

Luckily the Doctor did have something up his sleeve. "Well I've got a copy of the correspondence right here." He pulled a scroll of paper from the inside of his jacket and unrolled it. "See? An order to take this young man to be evaluated for paranoid delusions." Jamie didn't quite know what that meant but he hoped it was a good enough story for the Redcoat. The "order" appeared quite official to him.

Unfortunately, that didn't seem to be the case with the Lieutenant. "My apologies, Sir, but I do not believe you are who you claim to be," he countered snootily. "That document could very well have been forged. And I don't approve of you taking one of my prisoners away. Judging from your accent, how do I know you are not allied with him?"

"Do I sound like a Jacobite to you?!" the Doctor fumed. Jamie's eyes widened, not expecting him to practically launch himself at Tewksbury. The Doctor's expression changed to one of condescension."You know, I'm tired of having to explain myself in such terms as if I'm speaking to a wee little child. I must take this prisoner and perform a psychiatric evaluation. What if he one day snaps and kills the rest of your prisoners … maybe even escapes and tries to kill you lot with them?!"

The Lieutenant was silent but didn't appear to change his mind. Jamie heard the sound of boots and turned to find a couple of the guards having come between them and Tewksbury, weapons drawn. Yes, maybe this would be a good time to run.

Or fight …

From the quick nod the Doctor gave him, it would be the latter. Jamie stared resolutely at the guard in front of him and with a quick, clean movement, grabbed the other man's rifle and hit him in the head with the butt of the gun, knocking him out cold. He turned to find the Doctor had grabbed the other guard's rifle and kept it trained on him.

"If you don't want the same thing to happen to you, you'll hand over those ropes and walk away," the Doctor ordered the man, staring menacingly.

Jamie caught the small gulp from the guard as he nodded and then handed the Doctor a mess of ropes he'd carried over his shoulder. His hands still raised, he backed away and hurried into the cottage.

"And as for _you_ ," the Doctor began, addressing Tewksbury, holding the ropes up in front of him. "Jamie, would you do the honors?"

Jamie blinked. He was never good at tying knots. It certainly wouldn't hold the Redcoat.

"Just wrap them as tightly as you can and I'll do the rest."

Phew.

Jamie did as the Doctor instructed, tightly wrapping the rope around Tewksbury as he sputtered and carried on and then left the knot-tying to the Doctor.

"Don't make this difficult," the Doctor scolded Tewksbury as he fought against his tight bonds. "Come, Jamie. Freedom is just up the hill there."

Jamie shifted his gaze to where the Doctor was pointing and he drew in a quick breath. It was the blue building he'd dreamed of. He suddenly felt a rush inside his head. It was a jumbled up mess of images and memories: of himself in this building, of the other man called the Doctor, a blonde young man and woman, a brunette girl with long hair and fanciful dresses, another brunette girl with short hair wearing a uniform, the various rooms inside this building; and they were hitting him so hard it felt as if he'd been smacked upside the head.

Feeling overpowered, Jamie cried out and nearly lost his footing.

The Doctor was at his side instantly and staring into his eyes intently. "Are you alright, my boy?"

Gulping the cool, damp air, Jamie nodded. "Aye, I just … started seein' all these pictures..."

The Doctor seemed to know exactly what he was talking about. "A memory stream." Some emotion seemed to pass across his face just as Jamie thought he had seen earlier in the prison, although he was too distressed at the moment to really tell. "It's not a bad thing. You will be fine. I promise."

As Tewksbury's swearing and struggling against the ropes got louder, Jamie recovered and moved to stand up, the Doctor taking his hand. "You alright now? It's not much further."

Jamie nodded and they quickly hurried up the hill.

"You won't get away with this!" Tewksbury shouted.

Jamie and the Doctor turned to face him. "Watch us," the Doctor smirked.

Jamie nodded and his mouth tugged into a smirk of his own before turning and continuing the rest of the way with the Doctor. They neared the tall blue building and Jamie immediately felt a sense of reverence. He reached out and ran his hand along its outer shell.

Hearing a clicking sound, he turned to see the Doctor had taken a key and unlocked the door. Pushing it open, he smiled and held his hand out, gesturing for Jamie to enter.

Jamie stared, transfixed at the amazing interior of the building that was indeed bigger than it was on the outside, just like in his dreams. Something still seemed quite different, but he merely shrugged and stepped inside.

Just as the Doctor was about to shut the door, Jamie heard a commotion off in the distance. He wheeled around and found his fellow prisoners had escaped. There were shouts that sounded like both joy and aggression and he saw them overpowering the Redcoats. He couldn't really tell from this vantage point, but it seemed several of them were looking in his direction.

"The big blue fort, it's real?! Mary Mother of God, that wee little bairn was right this whole time!" one of them exclaimed.

At that moment Jamie felt his lips tug into a big smile. He glanced to his left and found a faint smile on the Doctor's face as well just before he moved back to a large console in the room, flipped a switch and the doors closed. The building started vibrating somewhat as the Doctor flipped another switch and Jamie heard a whirring sound start up, something else he remembered from his dreams.

A bit of fear and uncertainty twitched at him, but thinking back to the Redcoats and the fighting in the prison cell, he banished it. He glanced once more at the Doctor and his surroundings, and knew his life was about to get a lot better.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"And away we go," the Doctor announced, having set their course for … well, nowhere in particular just yet. But he didn't care at the moment. He was just happy he'd rescued his old companion from near certain death. Hell, he was just happy to see him again and know that he was okay, considering.

He turned and smiled fondly at the young Scot who was gazing around the inside of the TARDIS in what appeared to be some leftover awe and bewilderment. The Timelord raised his eyebrows and cleared his throat, attempting to get his attention.

Jamie turned to faced him. "Oh … uh …I dinnae remember it looking much like this," he said sheepishly.

The Time Lord bit back a chuckle. "Oh, yes. Well, I've remodeled a few times. Got a bit sick of looking at the same drab off-white walls. I also added some more bookcases," he said, making a sweeping gesture with his hands toward the back of the room. "Each of my … previous versions didn't like whenever I made changes. Old habits die hard and all that."

Jamie nodded and then gave a tiny shrug. "It's different."

The Doctor looked at him pointedly. "I hope you mean that as a compliment," he joked dryly. He was expecting an answer of some sort from Jamie but none came and he seemed to be staring off into space.

The Time Lord felt his lips tug upward in a sympathetic smile. That poor boy had been through so much. "You alright?" he asked softly.

Jamie finally broke his stare. "Eh?"

"You look a bit overwhelmed." _Of course he'd be feeling that way, Captain Obvious_.

"It's just that … It feels like I've been hit with so many different things all at once, ye know?"

"Yes. I know."

Jamie's eyes suddenly appeared tinged with fear. "Doctor, what's happening with me?"

The Doctor softly laid a hand on the boy's shoulder. "It's okay. It's normal." At least he hoped in those hearts of his that it was normal. He thought he had an idea about what was going on with Jamie, though he wanted to be sure.

He was pulled from his thoughts when he found Jamie staring at him as if he was scrutinizing him. "What?"

Jamie shook his head, still acting as if he couldn't make sense of all this. "Tryin' tae get used tae things bein' so different, I suppose. The Doctor I knew was a wee, dark-haired chappie, not a tall, gray-haired, skinny one."

The Doctor nearly took offense to this but with Jamie in his present state, he cut him some slack. He sniffed and lifted his head. "Well! Excuse me for wanting to watch my figure!" he said haughtily.

He caught a snorting sound and lowered his gaze to find Jamie giving him a lop-sided grin, obviously amused. He gave Jamie a quick wink. "As for the gray hair, well, let's just say that a lot of time has passed since we traveled together. I've been through eleven regenerations since then."

Jamie's eyes widened briefly before his brows drew together in confusion. "Eh?"

Of course. Regeneration was a term Jamie had never heard before. The Doctor smiled apologetically. "Whenever I'm close to death, my body is capable of regenerating. I get a new life: a whole new body and, in most cases, a whole new personality. Before we first met, I was a very different-looking chap." Walking over to the console, he called up an image of himself in his first incarnation.

Jamie looked at the image thoughtfully, narrowing his eyes. "That was you? Really?"

The Doctor nodded. "After a while I felt my body wearing out. Once I stopped the Cybermen from invading Earth – the first time, anyway – this old girl helped me get a new, improved body." He affectionately patted the console and regarded the TARDIS with a smile. The room vibrated slightly in acknowledgement. The Doctor shifted his gaze back to Jamie and found him looking in the same direction, nodding and with a slight smile on his face.

The Doctor then cycled through some more images, showing each of his previous incarnations. He noticed Jamie's expression became fond and maybe even a bit emotional when he'd stopped on the image of himself to whom Jamie had been a companion. He quickly cycled through the rest of them until he came to his present incarnation.

"And that's where we are now," he mumbled, distracted as he gazed thoughtfully at the young man. It hit him once again how much he'd been through recently. He was sporting some nasty bruises – one on his left cheek, one on his right leg – and those were the ones he could see. He wouldn't be surprised if he had a lot more, given how brutal the Redcoats were to captured Jacobites. He also had a cut on his left arm about half an inch long. As Jamie shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his ankle also appeared to have been injured; possibly a sprain. His clothes were dirty and tattered, the cuffs on his shirtsleeves even a bit frayed. He had at least four days' worth of stubble on his face. His hair had grown a bit long and was matted, the fringe so long it covered his eyes whenever it flopped forward.

"Speaking of new and improved," the Doctor finally spoke. "Let's get you taken care of and cleaned up."

Jamie nodded and the look he gave him could only be described as pure gratitude. "Thank you, Doctor."

The Doctor's hearts swelled with emotion and tears began pricking at the corner of his eyes. He felt his face crack open in a genuine smile. "Anytime, my boy," he returned, clasping a hand on Jamie's shoulder as he led the boy down a corridor toward the medical bay.

* * *

Already feeling a lot better, a robe-and-slipper-clad Jamie traversed a long corridor toward his old room. With the Doctor's help, the TARDIS had healed his cuts and bruises, as well as his sprained ankle. Jamie briefly stopped and moved his ankle all around, even though he'd already tested it after the healing process was complete. He was just glad to be able to move it again without any pain. Once his injuries had been healed, he'd taken a long (probably too long; he hoped the Doctor didn't object), hot shower to get both the chill of the Scottish moors and the dirt he'd accumulated over the month he'd been captive off of him. He unconsciously brushed his fingers across his chin, satisfied with its smoothness after the shave he'd had. He'd also had his hair trimmed a bit, mainly to neaten it up a little and to keep the fringe from covering his eyes, even though it was still pretty long. He sighed happily, feeling more refreshed than he'd felt in … well, practically forever.

He approached the door affixed with the black nameplate that read 'Jamie' in gold letters. As he opened the door a soft light gradually brightened the room. Jamie gazed around the room, a bit of familiarity tickling his mind. He sought the wardrobe and as he opened it, that tickle grew stronger. He found his clothes still hung neatly inside. He rummaged through them until he decided on an outfit. Having put on his shirt, socks, kilt, belt and sporran, he sat on the edge of his bed to lace up his boots. Briefly turning to his left, he noticed several photos on the bedside table. Some were in frames while others were just propped up against something else or lying flat on the tabletop. On quick glance, they seemed to consist of himself with several other people. The laces of his boots quickly forgotten, he reached over and picked one of the photos up.

His eyes narrowed as he traced the faces of the people in it. He vaguely recognized them; not only did he encounter them when he first met "his version" of the Doctor, but they also featured in the dreams he was having while in prison. The girl had a lovely smile on her face and Jamie recalled thinking she was pretty. The young man had a smile that seemed joking in nature and he held his hand up in such a way as if to say 'good job' to the photographer. It then hit him that he was the one who had taken the photo. He smiled, remembering how he found the contraption so strange and alien even though it was something so commonplace for them. That fondness was suddenly replaced by longing and a lump formed in his throat.

He replaced the photo on the table and picked up several more. These photos contained different people, mainly two girls, some with himself in them. At first he blinked, not sure who they were although something about them seemed vaguely familiar. As he stared at the photos it occurred to him that these people featured in his dreams as well. Before he could ponder it any further, another rush of images and visions hit him like a tidal wave. They were visions of battles, holidays, good times and bad, jokes and arguments, hugs and kisses, arrivals and departures …...

He quickly squeezed his eyes shut, overwhelmed by the sudden psychological onslaught. Once it'd passed, he reopened them and gazed once again at the faces staring back at him. He was overwhelmed once again, this time with sadness and he stifled a cry.

Not even looking as he dropped them back onto the bedside table, he returned to the edge of his bed and sat with his head bent and shoulders slumped. Tears welled up in his eyes and spilled down his cheeks and he shuddered, allowing the emotions to just wash over him.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Glancing at his watch for perhaps the fifteenth time in the past hour or so, the Doctor heaved a sigh. He'd found some parts underneath the TARDIS console that really should have been tightened ages ago, but he'd just never found the time. To tell the truth, there wasn't much to be done but he was trying to busy himself so he wouldn't find his mind drifting back to dwell on certain things.

He wondered what was keeping Jamie. Surely he hadn't gotten lost. He bit back a chuckle. To him, it'd been years since the boy had been in the TARDIS, which had gone through quite a few renovations since. If Jamie's memories were starting to return, however, he should have been able to find the washroom and his bedroom with no problems.

Before he could give it another thought, he picked up the sound of shuffling feet and lifted his gaze to find Jamie approaching. He was wearing his kilt, belt, sporran, socks, boots, and by the looks of it he'd found his dirk that had been saved in his cupboard. He was also wearing a beige, long-sleeved button down dress shirt with a long pointed collar and pattern of ruffles on both shoulder areas. Ah, yes, the boy looked much better already, all cleaned up with with his cuts and bruises healed, and his hair tidier. He looked much as he did the very last time he'd seen him, just before the Time Lords punished the Doctor by sending Jamie and Zoe away. He suddenly felt a pang of sadness at the memory, but quickly banished it. Jamie was back and that was all that counted at the moment.

He smiled. "Well! You're looking much better already! Feeling better?"

Jamie didn't reply and as he walked closer the Doctor could see distress etched across his face.

"Jamie?"

The boy looked as though he was trying to say something but didn't know how to express it. "Doctor, I … I have tae know something ..."

"What is it, my boy?"

"Ben and Polly a-and Victoria and Zoe," Jamie suddenly blurted out. His voice was thick, almost as if he'd been crying. "Are they alright? Are they safe?"

The Doctor's eyes widened. Gazing closer at Jamie, he was able to make out tear stains on his face. Jamie must have realized the Doctor noticed as he suddenly looked away and self-consciously reached up to push his fringe back from his eyes.

Damn. That must have been part of the reason he'd taken so long. He'd started to remember his dear friends. The Doctor eyed him seriously and felt his hearts ache. It wasn't much of a surprise that Jamie remembered Ben and Polly, but Victoria and Zoe? Were Jamie's memories really returning full steam?

"You remember them?" he asked softly.

Jamie sniffled in reply and nodded.

"How did you come to remember them?"

"I ..." Jamie stopped to clear his throat. "I saw photographs of them in my room and suddenly I was hit with all these pictures and visions … like what happened earlier when I first saw the TARDIS."

It was the memory stream. Little by little, Jamie's memories were returning.

"Do you remember what happened to them?"

"I know Ben and Polly left when we were at that place with the flying beasties. Victoria didnae want tae travel with us anymore and Zoe … I just remember saying goodbye tae you and then we both left." His voice faltered and he dropped his gaze.

The Doctor felt a lump forming in his throat. Even though the details of his friends leaving were fuzzy, most of the pieces were there. It hurt to see Jamie this way.

He thought for a moment. "Would it help if I told you I tried my best to make sure they were somewhere safe?"

Jamie looked back up at him and the Time Lord saw his eyes filled with tears. "I know ye would … but … I …I dinnae know if I can be certain... " He trailed off and bit his lip. Moving closer, the Doctor could see his sad hazel eyes reflecting how very lost he must have been feeling.

The Doctor pulled him into a hug and stroked the back of his head. "It's okay, Jamie. Really, it's okay."

Jamie sniffled in response and then finally pulled out of the hug. He looked away from the Doctor almost as if he were embarrassed. "I'm sorry," he quietly mumbled.

The Doctor felt his hearts breaking once again. "What? No, Jamie, you have nothing to be sorry for." He suddenly felt a pang of shame and briefly turned away. Should he really have brought Jamie back into this situation? "If anything _I_ should be the one who's sorry," he quickly muttered.

"Eh?"

Jamie had obviously heard and when the Doctor turned back to face him, he noticed the young Scot eyeing him curiously.

"Never mind," he sighed. It was stupid of him to think this way. Hell, he'd just saved Jamie from being pulverized by his own cell mates in Scotland. He felt for the young man and the grief he was mired in; after all, it reflected his own grief in losing Clara.

 _Stop dwelling on this rubbish, you idiot_ , he silently admonished himself. _Do something to get_ _ **both**_ _your minds off your grief_. A new sense of determination filling him, his pensive frown transformed into a light smile. "You know what always helps me in a situation like this? Music. And tea."

Jamie quirked an eyebrow at him, as if trying to scrutinize some riddle.

"Wait here," the Doctor announced. "I'll be right back."

He was barely able to catch Jamie giving a small shrug before he raced into one of the side corridors and ducked into his studio. Putting on a pair of sunglasses, he picked up his electric guitar and, as he strolled back toward the console room, began warming up. As he entered the room he started playing the opening riffs to Jimi Hendrix's "Purple Haze."

He paused and noticed Jamie staring at him, eyes widened almost in shock and his jaw practically on the floor.

"So, any requests?" he asked the young piper.

Jamie merely continued to stare. Shrugging, the Doctor played a few more riffs. He nearly lost himself in it but suddenly witnessed Jamie clamping his hands over his ears and screwing his eyes shut. He almost looked like he was in pain.

"Oh alright, I'm done!" The Doctor growled. "Happy?"

Removing his sunglasses, he stopped himself from rolling his eyes as he watched Jamie open one eye cautiously and then take his hands off his ears. Feeling cheeky, the Doctor grinned at him. "Beats the bagpipes, don't ya think?"

Jamie's expression looked like a mix of pain and mortification, as if the Doctor had uttered complete blasphemy. After what seemed like a long few seconds, he finally seemed to recover.

"No disrespect, Doctor, but I think I'll have some of that tea now."

"Oh, come on! We could form a band. Sort of a duet: me on guitar, you on bagpipes! We could call ourselves 'The Dueling Scots'. What do you think?" He eyed Jamie hopefully.

Jamie merely shrugged and he gave the Doctor an awkward, lopsided grin. "Eh, I dunno, Doctor. I'll think aboot it." With that, he started walking away in the direction of the kitchen.

"It could be a great thing, you know," the Doctor called after him. "'The Dueling Scots' .. or... 'The Piper and Doctor Funkenstein'..." He chuckled, pleased with himself for coming up with those creative monikers so spur-of-the-moment. Hearing no answer from the young man who'd already left the room, the Time Lord frowned and walked quickly to catch up to him.

* * *

Placing two teacups with saucers on the kitchen table, the Doctor smiled as Jamie nodded and gratefully accepted the hot beverage. He watched the young man sip his tea. He appeared to be feeling better but still seemed a bit despondent. A thought suddenly occurring to him, the Time Lord rose from the table and headed for one of the cupboards.

"Oh! I nearly forgot," he stated, rummaging inside. A smile of satisfaction spread across his face as he picked up a box of biscuits. They were the kind Jamie had enjoyed back when he was living in the TARDIS. The Doctor had also developed a penchant for them over the years and made sure he always had them on hand.

"If I'm not mistaken, you were always quite fond of these," he declared, setting the box down in front of Jamie. The boy studied it for a moment and it was as if the memory suddenly hit him. His face lit up with a smile that threatened to crack it wide open. He grabbed the box and ripped it open, almost like a young child excitedly opening his Christmas presents. Picking up a biscuit, he dunked part of it in his tea and popped it in his mouth. He shut his eyes, still smiling as he ate looking very much as if he were savoring it. It warmed the Doctor's hearts.

"Really, Doctor, I cannae thank ye enough for this. Ye still had these here? I mean even after I was gone?"

The Doctor shrugged. "Hey, you're not the only one who enjoyed them." He returned the amused smile Jamie had given him. Once Jamie had finished his biscuit and continued sipping his tea, the Doctor decided to change the subject. "So … If you don't mind my asking – and I suppose this is a rather loaded question ... Can you tell me what you remember?"

The young man sighed. "I remember the Yetis and how cold it was; my knees nearly turned blue." He blushed. "I remember the Ice Warriors, those big, tall beasties with the helmets and that weird way of speaking they had." He imitated the hissing sound the Ice Warriors made as they talked, much to the Doctor's amusement. He stopped for a moment and then appeared to be struck by a new memory. "Oh! I remember the Land of Fiction and being stuck in a giant storybook with Zoe … And my face changing." The look he was giving the Doctor suddenly seemed accusatory in nature and he pointed a finger straight at him. "All thanks tae _you_ , Doctor."

The Doctor blinked momentarily at this, but then realized it was obvious Jamie was teasing. Two could play at this game. "After all this time, ya still can't forgive me for that? Never thought you were one to hold a grudge, McCrimmon." He grinned back at Jamie before taking another sip of tea.

Jamie chuckled briefly in response to the joke.

After that moment of levity the Doctor became serious again. "Anything else?"

Jamie nodded. "I remember those fish people and that mad scientist chappie. That was not long after I'd first joined ye in the TARDIS, eh?"

The Doctor nodded. "Ah, yes. I still remember your reaction: 'What have I come upon?'" he chuckled as he imitated Jamie's awe and confusion inside the TARDIS for the first time.

Jamie blushed slightly, a sheepish grin flitting across his features. "And the metal men, the Cybermen. That first time we were on the moon. When I was hurt and thought I saw the Phantom Piper to take me away?" He looked to the Doctor for confirmation.

The Doctor nodded and suddenly dropped his gaze to the tabletop, that mention suddenly conjuring up unpleasant memories. Poor Jamie was none the worse for wear during that adventure, his very first with the Cybermen. "What about the Daleks?" he suddenly asked. "You remember them?"

He nodded. "Angry metal beasties, or at least they were supposed tae be. I mostly remember them spinning about and acting like wee bairns having fun."

The Doctors briefly raised his eyebrows, impressed that Jamie had remembered his one-time, somewhat brief encounter with the Daleks. He listened as Jamie rattled off some of the other enemies they'd encountered during their travels, again impressed that he remembered so much. It began to confirm to him what he'd suspected regarding the boy's memories.

Finally he realized the one question he still had to ask. He'd been avoiding it this whole time, but he couldn't any longer. It wasn't fair to Jamie. And he had to know. "Do you remember 'the end'?"

Jamie's brow furrowed in confusion. "Eh?"

"When you stopped traveling with me."

Jamie reacted as if he was swallowing a lump in his throat. After a moment it seemed to pass and he nodded. He briefly glanced at the tabletop, looking like he was trying to work up the courage to speak before looking back up at the Doctor. "Aye. I remember the war games and tryin' tae get all those people from the different battles tae help us fight those aliens. I remember those people that were yer own kin ..."

"The Time Lords."

"Aye." Jamie wrinkled his nose in apparent disgust. "They were supposed tae be yer own people and what did they do? They stabbed ye in the back! They punished ye by taking me and Zoe away. After all you'd done for them. After all you'd done in tryin' tae save people!"

The Doctor appreciated Jamie's indignation on his behalf but he was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. "I know. It's okay, Jamie."

The young man was staring pointedly at him. He clearly wasn't letting this go. "No, it's not, Doctor. I dinnae even know what they'd done to ye after we left. I dinnae know if I _want_ tae."

The Doctor heaved a sigh. He had to tell Jamie. "They forced me to live on Earth in exile with a non-functioning TARDIS." Off Jamie's concerned expression, he continued: "That situation eventually got remedied. They forced me to regenerate, or 'change my appearance' as they put it."

Jamie gazed sadly at the Time Lord. "What'd ye do then?"

The Doctor snorted humorlessly. "It's a long story. I still tried to defend Earth from alien invasions. I teamed up with UNIT most of the time."

Jamie blinked and then his eyes suddenly widened in apparent familiarity. "Ye mean Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart?"

"Yes!" the Doctor smiled. "The Brigadier and -"

"Corporal Benton!" Jamie finished in unison with the Doctor.

The Doctor gazed fondly at his friend who was smiling almost in triumph. "Yep. Well, Sergeant Benton, eventually. We all made a great team, even if we didn't always agree on every little thing." He felt sorrow tugging at his mind, recalling the recent passing of the Brigadier. He certainly wasn't about to tell Jamie that and he hoped the young man wouldn't ask what happened to him.

Fortunately, he didn't.

"I know I told ye aboot my memories of our travels and the beasties we fought, but I also remember our friends," Jamie told him with a faint smile. "I remember Ben giving me advice on lassies. I remember Polly sewing me new kilts, having me try new sorts of clothes and a new haircut. I remember Victoria giving me lessons on manners and proper speaking and posture." He briefly rolled his eyes but his smile still had a fondness to it. "I remember teasing Zoe when she spent hours in the TARDIS library and telling her stories about the Battle of Culloden …" He trailed off, seeming really caught up in his memories as he stared ahead. Finally he sighed.

"I miss them, Doctor."

The Doctor gazed at Jamie sadly and nodded. "I know." In a way, it wasn't fair. The Time Lords had wiped away Jamie's memories of traveling with the Doctor. He would have been better off without them returning. In this case, ignorance was bliss. It kept the pain away. He groaned inwardly, the memories of Clara's death hitting him once again. He almost wished his memories of her could have been wiped in a similar fashion.

Apparently, that inward groan was an audible one and Jamie had heard it. "You alright, Doctor?"

He wanted to say that he was, especially having been reunited with his long lost companion. He was happy to see Jamie again, even if he wasn't quite showing it much. The pain of Clara's loss was still nagging at him as if a Band-Aid had been ripped off an open sore.

"I won't lie to you, Jamie. No. No, I'm not." Jamie's questioning look prompted him to continue: "I ... I just lost another good friend of my own."

He rose from the table and left the room, his ultimate destination being the console room. Jamie followed and he hoped the young man wouldn't prod him. He felt nauseous even mentioning it. Finally stopping short of the console, he regarded Jamie somberly, hoping that would be enough to convey he didn't want to say much more.

Jamie's gaze fell to the floor. "I'm sorry." He looked back up at the Time Lord. "Ye want tae talk aboot it? It may help a wee bit."

For a brief moment the Doctor didn't know what to say. Despite his agonizing over not wanting to discuss it, Jamie had a point. But how could he describe the pain and torture he'd let himself endure as a result of her death? And how could he do it without appearing to his dear friend like some kind of delicate, whiny brat?

Finally he decided short and sweet was the way to go. "She was a companion of mine. Her name was Clara." A smile tugged at his lips as fond memories of her surfaced. "She was a teacher at Coal Hill School. Had a boyfriend named Danny Pink who eventually became a Cyberman and sacrificed himself. She had a fondness for dressing as a Flapper during one of our adventures. She used to tell me to go and 'be a Doctor.'" He walked over to the console and gestured to Jamie to follow him. He called up an image of Clara on the view screen.

"That's Clara?" Jamie asked, looking at the image thoughtfully.

The Time Lord nodded.

"She's pretty."

It was then that something suddenly snapped inside the Doctor, as if a spark of rage had gripped him. He whipped his head around to look at Jamie. "What kind of thing is that to say?! 'She's pretty'?"

Obviously taken aback by the Doctor's sudden vehemence, Jamie's eyes widened and he quickly took a step back.

"Of course she was pretty! But she was more than that!"

Jamie stared at the Doctor, slack-jawed in shock. "But I wasn't _saying_ th - "

"She was smart, she was caring … And now she's DEAD!" the Doctor shouted. Suddenly needing to be alone, he stalked away from the console and leaned up against a wall on the far side of the room. "And it's all my fault," he added quietly.

He didn't know how long he'd stood there until he heard footsteps approaching and the unmistakable sound of Jamie's boots. He turned and saw the young man gazing at him contritely.

"I'm sorry, Doctor. I shouldn't've pushed ye to talk aboot it."

He should have told Jamie it was okay, but those feelings of loss stirred up inside him once again. "No. You shouldn't have," he snapped. The hurt coloring Jamie's eyes barely registered with The Doctor as the wounds from Clara's departure were still very deep and fresh. "Just get out," he said, waving a dismissive hand.

Jamie quirked an eyebrow at him. "But I've only just got here. Where do ye want me tae go?"

Shaking his head, the Doctor uttered a brief, humorless chuckle. That statement was typical Jamie. "I don't care," he replied, waving his hand toward one of the corridors. "Just … leave me be for a while."

Jamie stared at him in what appeared to be a mixture of confusion and frustration before finally sighing. Regarding the Doctor with a quick nod, he slowly walked away down one of the corridors.

The Doctor gazed at Jamie's retreating form, noticing that the laces on one of his boots had become untied. He managed a faint smile. Poor sweet, oblivious (sometimes, anyway) Jamie. He was suddenly struck by a pang of guilt.

He shouldn't have snapped at him the way he did. He'd just lost one companion; now he'd be lucky not to lose another. From all the time Jamie had spent traveling with him, the Doctor had come to realize he had the patience of a saint. However, even he had his breaking point. Jamie didn't deserve to be treated this way, especially when the Doctor knew he was probably asking too much by having him rejoin him in the TARDIS to begin with. Would he really want to drive him away?

He'd been very fond of the young Scot during their travels. He and Victoria – and later Zoe – were like his kids. They were one happy little family. Yes, the Doctor's appearance and personality were now different, and yes, he was a bit older than he was back then, but Jamie was still the same young man who had spent those few years traveling with him; he'd lost all those memories, granted, though he was now quickly regaining them... the Doctor thought he had an idea of why that was so and the memory stream fit right into it.

Double-checking some scans on one of the TARDIS monitors confirmed his thoughts and he smiled.

"Yes. Jamie, my boy, I knew there was something special about you."

He printed out paper copies of the scans and then set off in pursuit of Jamie.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Sitting on a small bench alongside a stream in the Garden Room, Jamie smiled and sighed contentedly. This room had changed since he'd been in it last and actually seemed bigger, but one thing was constant: the nice, peaceful feeling he got whenever he came here. The scenery, with its landscaping and lush plants was beautiful. Bagpipe music was playing softly in the background and he acknowledged the TARDIS with an appreciative nod.

He was still trying to make sense of all this. He'd spent so long traveling all through time and space with the Doctor before being sent away by the Time Lords, having his memories wiped and being returned to his own time and place. After being held captive by the Redcoats for a relatively short time, he was rescued by this man who called himself the Doctor.

The memories had returned and hit him harder than he ever expected. It was like a huge whirlwind; so much information in such a short time. It was as if several years' worth of happenings had been condensed into a few mere moments. The emotional overload especially had hit him hard. All the memories of the people he knew and cared for, who were now gone.

There was also the fact that things were suddenly so _different_. So many changes had taken place, he himself remaining the only constant; well, he and the Doctor, he supposed. He was back again in the TARDIS and, yes, this man was the Doctor, but he wasn't 'his' Doctor with all the same mannerisms and personality he was used to.

Would he have to change as well? He was never very comfortable with that; it took a while for him to adapt to the more modern clothing and styles that Polly had suggested to him. And of course it wasn't so easy to adapt to losing each of his fellow companions aboard the TARDIS and gaining new ones.

After pondering it a bit further, he firmly shook his head. He wouldn't change, but he would try to keep up with the Doctor's new personality and way of doing things. So much time had passed; well, not so much time for himself. To the Doctor it had been years apparently, but to Jamie it was only a month.

He would be lying to himself if he didn't admit the Doctor's outburst startled him. He sympathized with him having lost someone he cared for very much, just as he himself had spent some time grieving for the loss of his fellow companions. They weren't dead, just gone ... at least he really hoped they weren't dead. When Ben and Polly stopped traveling with them, and later Victoria, the Doctor seemed to cope very well with it, at least better than Jamie did in the case of Victoria. He surmised this was a big difference between his Doctor and the current incarnation.

Suddenly hearing footsteps, he turned to see the Doctor with a folder tucked under his left arm and carrying a teacup.

"Your tea got cold so I warmed it up." He held the cup out for Jamie to take.

Jamie forced a smile and shook his head. "Thank ye, but I'm no longer thirsty."

The Doctor appeared taken aback as he raised his eyebrows. "Ya sure?"

Jamie nodded.

The Doctor shrugged and started drinking it himself, much to Jamie's amusement.

"May I sit down?"

"Aye. Of course."

The Doctor sat down beside him and placed the folder against the arm of the bench. "I want to apologize for being so short-tempered with you."

"You'd been through a lot, Doctor. I understand."

"But I shouldn't have snapped the way I did. It was out of line."

"Ach, no. I shouldn't've pushed ye the way I did. Ye didn't want to talk aboot it and I should've left ye alone."

The Doctor sighed. "No, you're right. It does help to talk about it."

Jamie eyed him expectantly, giving him a cue to begin.

Taking a deep breath, The Doctor recounted to Jamie what happened to Clara. He told him about a boy named Rigsy and something called a chronolock. He told him about how Clara tried to save him, taking this chronolock herself and being doomed to die. He learned how enraged the Doctor became when he realized there was no way to save Clara, how he'd threatened that Me girl and how upset Clara was by it all. The Doctor told him how she made him promise not to take revenge and reminded him why he was the Doctor.

And finally, he'd told him about how he watched as Clara went to face her death. The Doctor's voice faltered then and there, as if he were having trouble keeping his composure. Jamie felt his heart breaking as he listened to the Doctor and saw the pain etched across his face. This Clara had obviously meant a lot to him.

Jamie gazed at him sadly. "I'm so sorry, Doctor."

The Doctor nodded in acknowledgment. "You know what else she said to me? She asked me if I was proud of her for her bravery. I hate to say it, but I still don't know. She was brave, yes. But she was acting too much like myself: jeopardizing herself by copying my self-sacrificial tendencies." He shook his head. "My goodness, I really am a bad influence sometimes."

Jamie regarded him sympathetically. He was well aware of the Doctor's self-sacrificial actions, especially in the way he summoned the Time Lords to get their resistance friends back to their own places and times when they finally stopped the War Games. Jamie didn't think that was necessarily a bad thing, but he could understand the price paid was too much for the Doctor to bear sometimes.

"She also warned me that I'd be all alone," the Doctor continued. He briefly squeezed his eyes shut, as if the very mention pained him physically.

Jamie immediately dropped his gaze to the ground, not sure what to say for a moment. He hated seeing his dear friend this way. He looked back up at the Doctor and gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder. "Well, yer not, Doctor. I'm here now."

Emotion seemed to pass over the Doctor's face for a moment and then as if to camouflage it, he chuckled humorlessly. "I don't know how you put up with me."

Jamie shrugged. "I've put up with a lot of yer quirks before. What makes ye think I'd stop now?"

The Doctor grinned and uttered what sounded like a genuine, honest-to-goodness laugh. It warmed Jamie's heart to see him in a better mood.

"But I was a different person then. You think you can put up with The Doctor, Mark Twelve?"

"Why wouldn't I? I owe ye my life for helping me escape that prison, Doctor. You've changed, but yer still the Doctor. That's what matters."

A tear worked its way down the Doctor's cheek and his face broke into a fond smile. He suddenly reached over and gathered Jamie into a hug. "It's great to have you back, Jamie," he said into the boy's shoulder.

Jamie smiled back as he hugged the Doctor. Suddenly a thought dawned on him and he pulled back slightly. He looked curiously up at the Doctor. "'Have me back' … That's no' the only reason ye came back for me, is it? Tae have someone here and not be all alone as Clara told ye?" Oh, boy. If that wasn't a stupid question …

The Doctor seemed a bit surprised and then affronted by it and Jamie felt like kicking himself for even thinking of this in the first place. "Oh, no, of course not! I _wanted_ to save you. I had always intended to, even if it took me a while to get there." He muttered the last part under his breath as if he were ashamed. "That's why I went back to your time and place."

Suddenly the TARDIS lights turned up brighter and hit them with a quick, cold breeze that ruffled their hair.

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Alright, alright! Let's just say it was a joint effort."

Jamie brushed his hair out of his eyes and chuckled, gazing fondly up at the ceiling.

"Though, you bring up a good point. I suppose I'm asking a lot by having you here," the Doctor sighed. "I did intend to get you out of harm's way, and now that I've done that it's your decision whether you want to stay or not."

Jamie gazed around in confusion. "Where would I go?"

"I could find some nice planet or other place back on Earth where you'd be safe and not have to put up with my insanity any longer," the Time Lord replied self-effacingly.

The corner of Jamie's mouth tugged into a little smirk. "Doctor, while that sounds lovely, we both know the TARDIS never really goes where we ask her to go, eh?"

The TARDIS suddenly vibrated and rocked, almost knocking them off their feet.

"Ach, sorry," Jamie called out.

"Well, that's true," the Doctor conceded, holding up a hand to the TARDIS in appeasement. "But it's not always a bad thing." He turned back to Jamie. "My offer still stands."

Jamie turned to him again, feeling sad. He had enjoyed traveling with the Doctor originally and was glad to be with him again, even if he wasn't the Doctor he was used to. He also didn't want to leave him in the state he was in. "I think I'm alright, Doctor. At the moment this is the only place I know, apart from Scotland. It's the only place I have left. I _want_ tae be here. Besides, ye need me tae look after ye."

The smile the Doctor gave him reflected pure gratitude and made tears start pricking at the corners of his eyes. Oh, yes, the Doctor needed him. He really needed him.

"Thank you, my boy," the Time Lord stated simply.

Jamie grew a smile and nodded. He watched curiously as the Doctor's fond smile turned a bit playful and he raised an eyebrow.

"So, you'd put up with 'a lot' of my quirks, did you? 'A lot'?"

Jamie stifled a chuckle and shrugged. "Well, the puns did get a wee tiresome after a while ..."

"Oh, come on! Well … maybe I did overuse them a bit..."

"And the teasing could be a wee cruel sometimes-"

"Cruel?"

Jamie couldn't stop the wide grin that spread across his face. "Ye don't remember the time with the Yetis and 'Victoria, I think this is one of those instances where discretion is the better part of valor. Jamie has an idea.'" He nearly surprised himself with his dead-on impersonation of 'his' Doctor.

Apparently he'd surprised the current Doctor with it as well. "But that was … I didn't..." he sputtered.

"Oh, aye. And how aboot 'Just act stupid, Jamie. Do you think you can manage that?'"

The Doctor must have caught on that Jamie was teasing and finally shook his head, smirking at him. "Like I said, I never thought you were one to hold a grudge. 'I see I was very wrong."

Jamie chuckled as the Doctor gave him a fond pat on the shoulder. Once he'd calmed down he decided to change the subject. "Say Doctor, I need tae ask ye something."

"What is it?"

"Ye said the Time Lords took away all my memories of traveling with ye?"

The Doctor nodded. "Yes, with one exception: your memories of our very first meeting. I take it you remember myself, Ben and Polly happening upon you during the Battle of Culloden? We helped save your Laird and Kirsty, and I helped you all escape that stolen ship. You stayed behind and helped us get back to the TARDIS -"

"Aye, I remembered all that. When I started havin' all those dreams in prison, ye were all in them, and then later Victoria and Zoe, and all the beasties we did battle with. I thought the dreams were from exhaustion or that I was delirious from bein' in prison, but they wouldnae stop. And they just got stronger and clearer with each passing day."

The Doctor was listening attentively and Jamie could see he had that look about him: that one where the gears were turning inside his head.

"When I first saw ye in the prison, something just felt familiar and then when ye referred to yerself as the Doctor, that clinched it."

"But you didn't have that sudden rush of memories just yet, did you?"

Jamie shook his head. "No. It wasn't 'till I saw the TARDIS that it all started, all the pictures and visions just … smacking me upside the head. The same thing happened when I saw the photographs of Ben and Polly and Victoria and Zoe in my room. As soon as I saw their faces, those memories … I almost felt as if I were drowning in them. All the times we spent doing battle, joking, meeting each other for th' first time, saying goodbye ..." He paused to swallow the lump that had just formed in his throat. "... It was almost too much for me to bear, Doctor."

He looked up to find the Doctor gazing at him sympathetically.

"Why is this happening to me, Doctor?"

The sympathetic look was now gone and the Doctor's eyes were lit up in what appeared to be an almost childlike excitement.

"Remember when I mentioned something called a memory stream?"

Jamie narrowed his eyes curiously and nodded.

"That's what you've been experiencing, my boy. You see, when the Time Lords took you and Zoe away and wiped your memories, they believed it was permanent – that's it, they're gone, so long, ta, hasta luego, auf wiedersehen. But they were wrong! And do you know why?"

Jamie stared at him in bewilderment and shrugged.

The Doctor pointed at Jamie, his eyes nearly bugging out. "Because you are _you_!" He leapt off the bench and grabbed the folder.

"Eh?" The Doctor might as well have been speaking a totally different language.

Apparently picking up on his confusion, the Time Lord chuckled briefly. "You're a strong young man, Jamie. You're a fighter. And the Time Lords underestimated just how strong you are." He sat back down and opened the folder, revealing some papers with information and pictures that looked like complete gibberish to Jamie.

"You see this?" the Doctor asked, grabbing one piece of paper and pointing to the large picture on it. "This is a scan of your brain, or at least the part where memories are typically stored and recalled." He pointed to several very small, bright areas in the scan. "See these tiny spots? When the Time Lords wiped your memories of your time with me, they had to remove every single component of them. Every, single, one. Apparently, they believed they had succeeded, but they _didn't_. They left some sort of tiny 'seeds' of the memories there."

Jamie sat, silently digesting all the information as the Doctor quickly rattled it off. Even though that "science speak" usually went way over his head, at the most basic level he understood what the Doctor was talking about. The Time Lords didn't successfully remove his memories, not one hundred percent. It was as if the door had been open for them to return somehow.

"How did ye discover this, Doctor?"

"While you were in the sick bay having your injuries healed, I had the TARDIS perform the brain scan. I had suspected this was what was happening but I wanted to be sure."

"So," Jamie began slowly, hoping he could summarize everything correctly. "They left something in place for my memories to come back but it was by accident because they didnae know how strong I was?"

"Yes!" the Doctor replied triumphantly. "See, those 'seeds' I pointed out can be found in anyone, not just you. In a situation like this, in the average person they would wither and die. But in someone like you, there is always a chance they would live on. That's what happened when you were having those dreams in the prison. It wasn't exhaustion or delusion, or mere coincidence. It was the seeds."

"What aboot that memory stream ye were talking aboot? What does that have tae do with this?"

"Ah, see, the memory stream is connected to these seeds. It resides inside them and it gets activated when you can see something related to your memories in real time. It sprouts forth. All it needs is something to trigger it – in this case, you seeing the TARDIS and then the photographs of Ben, Polly, Victoria and Zoe. That was what was needed to activate this memory stream."

"So everyone has these seeds? If they see anything related to their memories, it can set off this memory stream and bring their memories back?"

"Everyone has them, but as I said it doesn't always work that way in everyone. You are an exception, Jamie." The Time Lord smiled broadly and clapped Jamie on the back. "I always knew there was something special about you!"

At a loss for words, Jamie regarded the Doctor with a sheepish smile. He did consider himself to be a fighter, but he never really thought of himself as 'special.' He wasn't sure whether this was such a good thing. Yes, he was glad his memories of traveling with the Doctor had returned, but it was like a double-edged sword. There were happy memories, but also sad ones. And the fact that these 'seeds' and 'memory stream' didn't work for everyone just made him feel sad. It also brought to mind one of his fellow companions and her identical fate.

"Doctor, d'ye think it would be possible for Zoe tae experience the same thing I did?"

The Time Lord looked stumped. "I really don't know, Jamie. I suppose it's possible, but I can't guarantee it."

"Can we see her and find out?"

The Doctor sighed and appeared to be seriously considering this. Jamie hoped he would agree to it. Even if her memories couldn't be brought back, he wanted to make sure that Zoe was at least safe.

"Alright. But you have to be prepared for the possibility that she doesn't have her memories back, nor that she'd care to have them back."

Sighing, Jamie conceded this was a possibility. He wouldn't like it, but he knew his conscience wouldn't rest until he saw her and knew she was alright.

"Aye. I will be, Doctor."

"Then, let's go." The Doctor rose from the bench and gestured for Jamie to follow as he headed out of the room. The young man assumed his destination was the console room where he'd chart a course for The Wheel, Zoe's residence.

Memories or no memories, he really hoped she was safe. He would certainly find out soon enough.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"And here we are," the Doctor declared, landing the TARDIS on board the Wheel.

Double-checking the scans of the area, he frowned. They seemed to indicate the presence of a spacecraft in the vicinity of the station's exterior. Remembering what happened the last time with the abandoned rocket ship they'd landed upon and the Cybermen invasion, he hoped he wasn't getting a feeling of déjà vu.

He shifted his gaze to the view screens and squinted at the sight in front of him, just off to the east of the Wheel's hull. It appeared to be another space station, one that was very small in comparison. A quick scan of the craft didn't turn up any life signs on board, although there were some interesting signatures surrounding the ship and coalescing outside the Wheel.

He sighed, electing not to tell Jamie about it. Hopefully it didn't really mean anything. The reason they were here was to find Zoe and make sure she was okay. He wasn't about to let Jamie down.

"We're back on the Wheel, Doctor?"

"Yes. I brought us here a week after our initial visit. When the Time Lords wiped Zoe's memories, she was sent back to the time right after we'd been there."

Jamie stared at him, his brow furrowing in confusion. "How d'ye know?"

"After you both had been sent away, they showed me on one of their screens. They called up a video of Zoe back on the Wheel. Tanya was asking if she'd seen us off and she replied in the affirmative. It was as if she'd never gone back with us in the TARDIS."

Jamie nodded, appearing a bit sad. He gazed up at the Doctor again as if he had something else on his mind. "Did they show ye what happened tae me?"

The Time Lord heaved a sigh. "Yes. They showed you back on Culloden Moor, just as you'd appeared when Ben and Polly and I had first met you. A Redcoat shot at you and you took off after him..." He imitated Jamie's Gaelic battle cry, "Creag An Tuire!"

Jamie gave a hint of a chuckle before his eyes widened and he stared off into space.

"Jamie? What is it?"

It seemed to pass after a while and the young man lowered his gaze, shaking his head. "It's just … That's what happened before I was captured and thrown into prison. I charged after that Redcoat and was ambushed from behind." He looked back up at the Doctor, his eyes filled with gratitude. "I can't thank ye enough for saving me, Doctor. I don' know how long I would've lasted in that prison."

"You don't have to thank me, my boy," he softly, patting Jamie on the shoulder. The Doctor felt his hearts swell. At this moment, he was actually happy. After having lost a dear companion recently, he was able to save another from a cruel fate and give him a second chance, in a way.

His brain suddenly kicked into gear and he inwardly smacked himself upside the head. Now was not the time to get mushy. They had to get to work and do what they'd come here for.

"Come on," he said, opening the doors and gesturing to Jamie to follow him out of the TARDIS.

Stepping out into the colorless, clinical atmosphere of the Wheel, the Doctor sniffed. "Well. Place hasn't changed a bit." He then noticed Jamie's curious expression. "Not that it would only a week later, of course."

He carefully trod down one of the corridors, Jamie on his heels. They had to be careful. Most of the personnel with whom they'd interact would probably recognize Jamie, but he himself was a whole new ball of wax. He crafted a cover story as they walked in search of someone who could lead them to Zoe … perhaps that Doctor … what was her name? Ah, Gemma Corwyn. Or maybe even Tanya Lernov herself.

Hearing footsteps approach, the Doctor carefully peered around a corner and found a technician heading in their direction. He frowned, not recognizing this young man at all. He turned quickly to Jamie, nodding at him to head back in the direction they came from toward the TARDIS.

They'd begun walking back, but not before the young technician had spotted them, apparently. "What's this?" he demanded. "Who are you?" The Doctor felt himself cringing as he caught the man eyeing the TARDIS and then gazing at them suspiciously.

"Ah," he started. "Um..." Damn, of all the times to suddenly be unprepared... He caught Jamie gazing at him almost desperately and then pointing at his jacket. "Oh!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out his card, holding it up for the man. "I am Doctor Disco. I'm here to see Gemma Corwyn. Is she available?"

The technician seemed bewildered for a moment and then nodded. "Wait here," he directed them before turning to leave.

"Thank you," the Doctor replied to the young man's already retreating form.

Replacing the card, he suddenly caught Jamie looking at him again, this time appearing almost disappointed.

"What?"

"I never got a chance tae ask earlier, but what's this 'Doctor Disco'? What happened tae 'John Smith'? I found that for ye!"

The Time Lord briefly raised his eyebrows, a bit surprised and then endeared by the fact that Jamie had regained that particular memory. He shrugged nonchalantly. "Oh, well … I like to mix it up every now and then."

Jamie nodded but still seemed a bit hurt.

"Plus, if I used 'John Smith' and they remembered that alias from the previous time, our cover would be blown. They'd expect the Doctor, Mark Two and think I'm an imposter."

Finally appearing to understand, Jamie's hurt expression faded and he nodded again, his mouth lifting in a faint, lopsided smile. "That makes sense. Ye were always good with that sort of thing, Doctor."

A pair of footsteps echoed louder down the corridor and the Doctor spotted a familiar face alongside the technician they'd just met.

"This man requested to see you specifically, Dr. Corwyn."

The Doctor presented her with an awkward smile and noticed her eyes narrowed as she gazed at him. Her gaze then flitted over to Jamie, however, and some recognition seemed to dawn on her.

"You," she said, pointing to Jamie. "You're that young man. Er...? Jack? Or Jamison, or ..."

"Jamie," the young Scot corrected her with a shy smile.

"Yes! My apologies." She turned back to the Doctor, eyeing him suspiciously. "But who are you?"

"Ah, I'm Doctor Disco. I believe a John Smith was here aboard the Wheel with this young man recently. I'm an associate of his."

"Aye, they both attended the same … schooling," Jamie added awkwardly.

She still appeared confused but after a moment seemed to buy their story. "Yes, he helped us against the invasion of those metal robots – the Cybermen."

The Doctor nodded. "Yes, that's right."

"What brings you here, Doctor Disco? Surely we don't have to worry about these Cybermen any longer?"

Thinking on his feet once again, the Time Lord's gaze dropped to the floor. He couldn't simply tell them they needed to see Zoe to find out if she got her memories back. What would he tell them? He then remembered the anomalies he'd observed on the scans.

"Ah, no, but I did notice some interesting astronomical occurrences outside the Wheel. They may be associated with that small space station about fifteen degrees due east of your hull. I need to cross-check some data. May we see Miss Zoe Heriot by any chance?"

"Zoe?"

"Aye, y'know, the wee lass with the brown hair and the -"

"Yes, I know who you meant. Why do you need to see her? I'm sure our astronomer Tanya Lernov can give you what you ne-"

"I'm sorry, but we specifically need to see Miss Heriot."

Jamie nodded. "Y'see, she had some very useful information last time that was important in defeating the Cybermen. We really need tae see it and find out if there's anything else she can give us. _Please_." He gazed at her with pleading eyes.

Gemma stared at them for a moment, seeming a bit surprised at Jamie's insistence. Finally she nodded. "Alright, come this way."

"Thank ye," Jamie replied gratefully.

"Not bad, McCrimmon," the Doctor muttered as they followed Gemma at a distance.

"Eh, I learnt from the best," Jamie joked with a hint of affection in his voice.

Finally they stopped in an area the Doctor recognized to be Gemma's work space. He watched as she pressed the intercom switch.

"Zoe?"

The screen flickered to life, showing Zoe's face. The Doctor felt a twinge in his hearts and he quickly turned to Jamie. The young man's eyes widened briefly and it looked like there were some heavy emotions playing across his face.

"Yes, Doctor Corwyn?" Zoe chirped back.

"There are a couple of men here requesting to see you. Shall I send them down?"

On the screen, Zoe's eyes narrowed in apparent suspicion. "What do they want?"

"They said they need to cross-check some information you have there in the library." She briefly turned to the Doctor and Jamie. "One is called Doctor Disco and the other you may remember, Jamie McCrimmon, was here during the recent Cybermen invasion."

Zoe seemed bewildered for another moment before her face seemed to light up in recognition of Jamie's name. "Oh! Alright, then. Send them down."

"They're on their way. Thank you, Zoe." She pushed a button to turn off the intercom and then turned to the Doctor and Jamie, forcing a smile. "I reckon you remember where it is from the last time you were here," she said, addressing Jamie.

The piper nodded, giving her a little wave and smile as he started heading in the direction of the library and gestured to the Doctor to follow him.

The Doctor gazed at him curiously. "You _do_?" He knew Jamie's memories had been flooding in, but he wasn't sure he'd gotten all of them back. Then again, he did remember giving the Doctor his 'John Smith' alias on their last trip here...

"Aye. Why wouldn't I remember? Don't forget Doctor it was no' that long ago we were here … Not long ago tae me, anyway."

The Doctor conceded he had a point. "True."

"I wonder what Zoe will think when she sees ye."

"She won't know who I am – not in this form, anyway. She seemed to remember you, though."

Jamie sighed and a faraway look appeared in his eyes.

The Doctor regarded him fondly. "I can only imagine what was going through that head of yours when you first saw her on that intercom screen."

Jamie turned back to him. "Well I was happy tae see that she seems safe. Would be happier tae find out if she's got those seed things in her brain like I do and got back any of her memories."

"Well, we'll find out."

* * *

They finally stopped in front of the library and the Doctor gestured for Jamie to go in first.

Jamie nodded and, taking a deep breath, entered the room. His heart did a somersault when he found Zoe standing behind her usual desk. Seeing her on the intercom screen was one thing, but now seeing her right here in front of him, safe and apparently happy, was another. Still, he had to find out if she was going through the same thing he was memory-wise.

He approached the desk and noticed the Doctor had caught up, stopping alongside him.

"Z-Zoe?"

Zoe looked up from her work and stared at them. "Jamie?" she said quietly.

Jamie felt as if his heart would burst from joy as he felt his face crack open in the biggest smile he could manage and nodded. "Aye, it's me. I'm back. I've got tae talk to ye aboot -"

"But you were just here about a week ago to help us stop that Cybermen invasion," she interrupted. Her voice returned to that cold, clinical way of speaking. It was as if nothing had changed from that first time he'd met her. Jamie's heart started to ache, but he tried to be positive. Maybe she _had_ remembered …

He watched her turn to the Doctor in curiosity.

"Who are you?"

The Doctor glanced around the area, probably to make sure no one else was there. "Zoe, I'm the Doctor."

"The Doctor," she repeated, her eyes narrowing. Suddenly she started to laugh. "Oh, really, you're having me on, aren't you."

"No, we're not! He's really him!" Jamie insisted, gesturing toward the Time Lord.

Zoe finally stopped laughing and cleared her throat, returning to her usual calm demeanor. "No, you _can't_ be him. He was quite different from you in stature. He had dark hair and was at least ten years younger than you ..."

Jamie tried to bite back a snicker as he witnessed the Time Lord's indignant glare in reaction.

"He also had a very different way of speaking and, from what I can tell on first impressions, a different personality."

"Well, you remember him, don't you?" the Doctor asked, gesturing to Jamie.

She turned back to Jamie. "Yes, of course. I know you and this 'Doctor' were traveling companions." She regarded the Doctor once again. "But how do you fit into the picture? Are you an associate of his by any chance?"

Jamie began worrying his lip nervously as he watched the Doctor sigh in obvious frustration. The Time Lord took a few steps forward until he was standing up against Zoe's desk and there was less than a foot between them.

"I know you find this hard to believe, Zoe. I do not look or sound at all like the Doctor you met only a week ago. But that's the thing. To you, it was only a week ago. To me, it was years and years."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm me, but I'm a different _version_ of me."

Jamie decided it was the perfect time to step in. "Aye, it's true. It's called regeneration. I was a bit confused when he found me in the prison at Culloden Moor, though somethin' aboot him felt familiar. Anyway he gets a new body and personality whenever he can't keep the old one ..."

Zoe looked confused, and, perhaps, a bit overwhelmed. "Wait, wait … Regeneration? So your body wears out and you morph into a completely different person?" She turned to Jamie. "And what's all this about Culloden? That's Scotland, your homeland, isn't it? How did he find you? And how has he changed when you haven't?"

The Doctor held up a hand. "I know it's a lot to take in. I'll tell you all about it if you'll let me." He moved even closer so he could look into her eyes. "First I have to know: Do you trust me?"

Jamie watched as Zoe blinked at first and then stared hard at the Doctor. Her mouth slowly dropped open, as if in realization. Could it be she actually recognized the Doctor, or, even better, remembered him?

"Doctor?" she whispered.

"Yes, it's me, Zoe. Is there someplace more private where we can talk?"

Zoe looked as if she was in a trance for a moment but then shook herself out of it. "Oh, yes. There is a lounge area just down the corridor. I'll check and see anyone is there."

Jamie smiled and nodded as she pushed a few buttons and looked at a screen.

"No, it's empty. Come on, I'll take you there."

"Thank you," Jamie said in unison with the Doctor as they moved to follow her. Jamie's eyes narrowed as he watched the Doctor take out that instrument that almost reminded him of his old sonic screwdriver and turn it on, aiming it at the area behind Zoe's desk.

"Doctor?" he asked quietly.

"It's nothing," the Doctor said, turning off the device and pocketing it. "I hope."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

As the three former travel companions made their way down the corridor toward the lounge area Zoe had suggested, the Doctor couldn't help being preoccupied. He'd sensed something was up in that small corner of the library, as if there was some other presence. His sonic screwdriver had picked up on something interesting – something that hearkened back to a predicament from one of his more recent incarnations and had an emotional component to it. Still, he wasn't completely sure of it and needed to study it further. He decided he'd push it to the back of his mind for now and concentrate on Zoe and her memories (or lack thereof).

Zoe slowed to a stop in front of what appeared to be a good-sized break room of sorts. He watched her try the door handle and frown.

"What is it?" Jamie asked.

"It's locked. The cleaning staff must have been in here earlier and forgot to unlock it." She sighed. "We'll have to find somewhere else-"

"Oh, no we won't," the Doctor broke in, seizing his sonic screwdriver and holding it up to the lock in order to pick it. He caught Jamie grinning triumphantly as he tried the handle and it opened easily.

"How did you do that?" Zoe asked, her mouth hanging open.

"Sonic screwdriver. One of its functions is a lock pick, in among many other uses." The Doctor didn't even question having to explain this to Zoe. Obviously if she'd had all her memories, she wouldn't have had to ask. He supposed Jamie was probably quite disappointed to see she had to be told about it, but it certainly didn't mean all her memories were gone. Perhaps they were just returning piecemeal as his had.

"Speaking of which, Doctor, I seem tae remember the sonic screwdriver looking a bit different," Jamie pointed out as Zoe entered the room in front of them.

"Oh, yes. Well … It's an upgrade, my boy!" he exclaimed. "You'd be amazed at how many things this little instrument can do now."

Jamie nodded thoughtfully but still seemed a bit bewildered. He suddenly leaned in toward the Doctor. "What were ye doin' when ye were scanning that area behind Zoe's desk?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. "Did ye find something?"

The Doctor cringed inwardly. Now was not the time to talk about this. He decided to be vague and would go into more detail with Jamie later. "Just thought I picked up on a few anomalies. I don't think it's anything to worry about, at least not now." He dismissively waved a hand.

He caught Jamie gazing at him skeptically. "Oh, aye. Come off it, Doctor. Somethin's up, isnae it."

The Time Lord sighed. "I'm not completely certain. I need to study the scans a bit more back in the TARDIS. But, no, it's not something that needs our immediate attention. We will do what we set out to do with Zoe first and then I'll come back to it. I promise. Now let's join her before she starts wondering if we left the galaxy."

Jamie finally nodded, giving the Doctor a sheepish smile.

They entered the lounge area and found Zoe sitting on a large, purple, plush sofa. The Doctor let Jamie approach first and watched as he looked tentatively at Zoe, as if asking for permission to sit next to her. She nodded and once Jamie had sat down, the Doctor took his seat on an armchair of similar color opposite them.

The Doctor met Zoe's gaze and she'd raised her eyebrows, seemingly a signal for him to begin.

"Where do you want me to start?"

She gave a small shrug. "Start at the beginning. Jamie mentioned you went through a process called regeneration."

The Time Lord nodded. "Yes, when I'm near death I have the ability to assume a new body, new mannerisms and personality, all of that. The smaller, dark-haired version of me which you recently met was my second incarnation. I'm now on my thirteenth."

He bit back a sympathetic chuckle as he watched Zoe's eyes widen in surprise.

"B-but how could that be? That would mean years and years would have passed and I'd only seen your … second incarnation a week ago!"

The Doctor felt his lips lift in a faint smile. "Do you remember me telling you that time is relative?"

Zoe's face seemed to blank out and she shook her head. The Doctor briefly shifted his gaze to Jamie and watched his face fall. _Easy, now, my boy. That doesn't mean all her memories are gone._

"Anyway, it's true. While only one week has passed for you, it's been many years for me. I've done a lot in that time, so much that I don't have enough time to cover it all."

Taking all of this in, Zoe nodded. "So, if it's been many years for you and only one week for me ..." She then turned to Jamie. "... How long has it been for you?"

"Aboot one month, maybe a wee bit more."

"One month since you were here during the Cybermen invasion?"

"No, I mean since I was captured before the Doctor rescued me."

Zoe stared at him in confusion and the Doctor realized now was a good time to step in.

"Let me try to make this easy. Zoe, you traveled with me – my second incarnation – and Jamie for quite a while after that Cybermen invasion –"

"But that's impossible! I've never left this space station!"

The Doctor cringed inwardly as Jamie looked almost as though he was going to have a stroke. He signaled to Jamie for calm so he could explain further.

"There's a good reason for that, believe me. I'm getting to it. You see, at the end our last adventure I had to summon my people – the Time Lords – for help. There was only one problem: I'd been on the run from them and when they caught up with me, I was put on trial and lost. One of my punishments was to have you and Jamie taken away from me, brought back to your own times and places. They wiped your memories of your travels with me, barring the very first time we met. I wanted to know what happened to you and they showed me you were back on the Wheel, safe and sound. Tanya had asked if you'd seen me and Jamie off."

Zoe's eyes widened in realization. "Yes, I do remember that. I also remember thinking there was something important I'd forgotten but reckoned I was just imagining it. So that really meant something?"

The Doctor nodded pointedly at her. He suddenly turned in Jamie's direction as he heard the young man groan.

"What's the matter?" Zoe asked, sounding almost hurt.

"So yer sayin' ye don't remember anything? What aboot the Quarks and the Dominators? The Land of Fiction? Battlin' the Cybermen on Earth with the Brigadier a-and that lass … Isobel … the one with the camera? What aboot the Ice Warriors? Ye mean tae tell me ye don't remember _any_ of it?"

"No, I'm sorry!"

As Zoe shook her head the Doctor could see the distress on her face, whether it was from her failure to remember anything, Jamie's vehemence, or both.

"Jamie," he spoke up in a warning tone.

Jamie relaxed, appearing a bit chastened.

"So you have all your memories back, then?" she asked the young Scot. "How did you get back to the Doctor if you were sent back to your own time?" There seemed to be a hint of jealousy in her voice.

Electing not to go into the reason behind going back for Jamie, the Doctor told her how he'd found the young man in prison after about a month Jamie's time had passed since he was returned to Culloden Moor. He told Zoe about Jamie's dreams and how he'd rescued him from almost certain death. He brought up the memory stream and the way Jamie's memories returned, also mentioning the 'seeds' in Jamie's brain matter he'd seen on the scans.

Zoe listened, appearing to take in every word and not seeming confused at all.

"Anyway," he finished, "we were curious to see if you were experiencing the same thing by any chance. Everyone has these 'seeds', including you, Zoe, but their level of activation varies between people. In some special cases, these seeds needn't much prompting at all."

"Ach, I'm _so_ special," Jamie groaned sarcastically, looking as if he'd rather be anywhere else.

The Doctor regarded him with a stern frown and mimed cutting his finger across his throat before turning back to Zoe. "Perhaps you just haven't been exposed to the conditions necessary to trigger them. That's not a bad thing, and I may be able to help with that .. If you want my help, that is. Think about it."

Zoe stared, looking a bit lost in thought and then directed her gaze back to the Doctor, nodding. The Doctor turned to Jamie and found him gazing sullenly at the floor, almost refusing to look at Zoe. He sighed. Perhaps this was a good time to look into those scans he'd performed. Plus it would give Zoe some time to think about whether she wanted him to help restore her memories.

Or it would lead to another silly sibling-like fight between her and Jamie. He inwardly rolled his eyes at the thought.

"Well, I think I'd better have a look at those scans, just to make sure they're not anything serious." He rose from the chair and started for the door.

Jamie finally looked up. "What are ye talkin' aboot?" he asked curiously. "I thought ye said ye weren't worried aboot them."

"No, not really. I'm not expecting them to be anything serious, but it's always good to make sure." He opened the door and headed out of the room. "Even though I don't like being sure about things," he muttered to himself.

"But Doctor -" Jamie exclaimed.

"Be back in two shakes!" he called back, not bothering to turn around.

* * *

The Time Lord breathed a sigh of relief as he strode leisurely down the corridor in the direction of the TARDIS. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. The tension was so thick in that room, you could cut it with a knife. First there was the revelation that Zoe's memories hadn't returned and Jamie's obvious displeasure with the fact, and then there was the overwhelming amount of information he'd presented to her about how this all came to be. It was a lot for her to take in. He wouldn't be surprised if Jamie started filling her in on all her past adventures with them. After that, he wouldn't blame her if she decided against having her memories restored.

He shoved this to the back of his mind as thoughts of the scanned anomalies in the vicinity of Zoe's library began nagging at him. The familiarity of their signature started to concern him and he'd tried forgetting about it, but he really had to get to the bottom of this. He didn't want anyone's lives being put in jeopardy – especially given what had happened during his last encounter with them.

His pace quickened as the TARDIS came into view. Shoving the key in the lock, he thrust the doors open, shutting them firmly behind him.

Once inside, he made a beeline for the console and grabbed the sonic screwdriver from his pocket. He downloaded the scans and called them up on one of the monitors so he could study them closer. Tapping a few keys, he then brought up some scans from years prior to compare them.

Perfect match. Crap. He sighed heavily, scrubbing his hands through his hair. Memories from that prior incident, weighted somewhat with sorrow, tapped him on the shoulder.

He suddenly jerked his head up, another idea occurring to him. He needed to perform another scan of the area, a backup scan of sorts. Tapping a few more keys, he zeroed in on the location and zoomed in.

"Oh, no. No, no no no no," he groaned. His suspicions confirmed, everything else seemed so trival: Whether or not Zoe wanted her memories back, the fact that he was still really missing Clara, the whole lot of it.

He threw it all on the back burner. He had more important things to attend to at the moment.

Like saving people. Here and now.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Zoe remained on the sofa, quietly contemplating the Doctor's offer. Just knowing that she'd accompanied them for quite a while, that she'd undoubtedly experienced many different adventures and had no recollection of them whatsoever, was frustrating. And then there was the fact that Jamie had regained his own memories. What made him so special anyway? She just remembered him being an annoying boy slightly older than herself who came off as a bit simple-minded when they were here only a week ago.

She stopped and corrected herself: It was a week ago to her, many years apparently to the Doctor and a … month ago to Jamie? No, that wasn't right. They didn't say how long she'd traveled with him and the Doctor, but Jamie didn't really look any older; a year maybe at the most. Except for the kilt, he was wearing different clothes and his hair had grown a bit longer, so, yes, some time had to have passed …

Her thoughts were rudely interrupted by an incessant tapping sound. She turned her gaze toward the sound and found Jamie sitting on the opposite end of the sofa, drumming his fingers on top of the small adjacent table and sulking. She waited for him to stop, but he didn't seem to have any intention of doing so. She couldn't think of anything more irritating at the moment.

She sighed in frustration. "What is the matter with you?"

"I still can't believe ye don't remember anything," he grumbled.

"Well, I _don't_ , Jamie. What do you want me to say?"

He didn't seem able to answer that and snorted in apparent annoyance.

"The only thing I remember was your last visit with the Doctor. I remember you being sort of difficult when you first came down to the library." A corner of her mouth tugged upward in amusement at one particular memory. "I believe you told me you'd put me across your knee and spank me."

She stifled a giggle as she saw Jamie's face turn red in embarrassment.

"Ye laughed at my kilt! Ye said it was a dress!"

"I don't think I called it a dress. I believe I said you were wearing 'female garments.'"

"Pfft. Same difference," Jamie retorted.

"'Same difference.' Ah, yes. An idiomatic oxymoron. It effectively means 'Whether these two choices are the same or different is immaterial to me.' A rather clumsy statement, if I should say so."

"D'ye have to ruin everything?"

Zoe was about to try and best him with a snappy retort when the Doctor suddenly barged into the room.

"Jamie! Zoe! This is very important: We're in a lot of trouble. Lives are at stake."

"Eh?" Jamie's face briefly contorted in confusion before it was replaced by a knowing (and, quite irritated, if Zoe was reading him right) expression. "Wait, I thought ye said ye didn't think it was anything to worry aboot!"

"I _thought_ it wasn't anything to worry about, but I was wrong!" the Doctor snapped at him. Zoe couldn't stop herself from flinching. He was so hot-headed; definitely different from the 'Doctor' she'd met only a week ago. Maybe he had a good reason to be, however. She watched the Doctor give what appeared to be a tacit apology to Jamie and the younger man nodded. He must be used to it, she mused.

"I was wrong," the Doctor repeated softly. "The signatures I picked up on the scan belong to a race of microscopic beings known as the Vashta Nerada. This isn't the first time I've come across them. "

"'Vashta Nerada'?" Zoe and Jamie repeated in unison.

The Doctor nodded. "They're very small. They exist on Earth and a billion other worlds. They're not usually a big threat to most life, at least not individually. However, in large numbers they could devour a creature so fast you'd be left with nothing but the bones in milliseconds flat."

Zoe's eyes widened as she shared a look with Jamie. This all seemed unbelievable. "A-and you picked these creatures up on your scans? In our library?"

"Yes, because they're attracted to books. They started out as microscopic spores living in the trees in forests. The last time I encountered them, I was in a vast library of books printed with paper from their trees."

"You mean they survived even after the trees were converted to paper?"

"Yes! That's how resilient they are!" the Doctor exclaimed.

Zoe shifted her gaze to Jamie who seemed a bit confused.

"So, Doctor, these things are a real threat to us here? Ye came burstin' in here like a madman sayin' that lives are at stake, but ye just now said they're harmless."

"No, Jamie, I said they're usually harmless on their own, but the danger is in large numbers."

"And did ye find any large numbers of them on the scans?"

The Time Lord shook his head. "Not numbers usually large enough to worry about, but they appeared to be gathering in that small area in the library. I have a hunch they could become a threat. We have to see what's back there and why they're here in the first place."

"And they're not visible to the naked eye? We can only see them on the scans?" Zoe asked.

"The only other way we can spot them is through shadows. They live in darkness but cast shadows in the light. A swarm of them will appear as a shadow cast by nothing. They mimic the shadows of their prey to get close."

Zoe's eyes widened in fear but she breathed a sigh of relief off the Doctor's reassuring expression.

"With the majority of your space station being well-lit, you don't have to worry so much about that. Light usually slows them down somewhat. If the swarms are great enough, the effects of light would be minimized and overcome quickly, but as I said we're not dealing with such great numbers at the moment."

Zoe turned to Jamie once again and couldn't stop the sympathetic smile that grew on her face. He really appeared hopelessly confused.

"So, what yer sayin' is these things aren't a threat but they _could_ be? How's that?"

"I'll explain later. Zoe, we have to go back to the library."

Zoe nodded and led them in that direction.

"Now, are you sure all of the information stored here is in electronic format?"

She nodded firmly. Of course it was. It'd been stored electronically for as long as she had worked there, probably even longer. Unless …

"Oh," she uttered, screwing her eyes shut as a realization suddenly hit her.

"What is it?" She opened her eyes to find Jamie gazing at her curiously.

"Now that I think of it, there is some paper material, some … books in one of the spaces behind my desk."

"Are ye sure?"

"Yes. When I first started working there I asked the retiring librarian and he told me they were planning to transfer them to electronic storage. That never happened for some reason." She felt a sinking feeling. "It's all my fault."

"How is it yer fault?" Jamie asked quietly, looking genuinely concerned. "Ye didn't know this was gannae happen..."

"No, but I hate to think I'm putting lives at risk because we were careless or thoughtless, or..."

"Zoe, relax," the Doctor cut in. "I told you it's not a threat … yet. I just want to make sure what I was seeing was correct."

They entered the library and Zoe directed them to the area behind her workspace. She watched as the Doctor slowly crept toward the shelves and removed that sonic screwdriver instrument he'd used to unlock the lounge door from his pocket.

"Nice, darkened area. Perfect spot for these little troublemakers to hide," he muttered.

He pointed the sonic screwdriver at the darkened shelves and a high-pitched noise emanated from it. It seemed as if he were collecting data.

"Have you got a torch?" he suddenly asked, turning to Zoe.

"Oh, yes." She opened a large drawer at the bottom of her desk and grabbed the medium-sized, gray light instrument she'd kept there. She handed it to the Doctor and he nodded in thanks.

He shone it inside the shelves until the beam of light illuminated a set of very old books, the same ones that had been destined for electronic storage.

"Ah!" he exclaimed, grabbing the books and leafing through them carefully. He picked up the sonic screwdriver again and scanned them.

"We have to go back to the TARDIS to check the data." The expression on his face made it seem as if another thought suddenly struck him. "I also want to see if it corresponds to some other anomalies I picked up when we first arrived here."

"What other anomalies?" Jamie asked.

"I'll show you." He gestured for Jamie to follow and turned to Zoe. "You, too, Zoe. It's important for you to see this as well."

Zoe nodded and followed them down the corridor toward their ship. Just as they'd set off, she saw the Doctor turn to Jamie and give him a slight wink. Jamie didn't seem to pick up on it, however. She stared at them in confusion and then shrugged.

He and his companions safely inside the TARDIS, The Doctor strode purposefully toward the console and quickly grabbed his sonic screwdriver from his pocket. Tapping a few keys, he called up the scans of the anomalies he'd picked up outside the Wheel when they first arrived. He couldn't believe he'd nearly forgotten about this. There was something familiar about them and with their presence in the Wheel's library now confirmed, he had to make sure. If it indicated more Vashta Nerada outside, things could be worse than he imagined.

Shit. They were a perfect match. Sighing heavily, he dropped his head. He glanced back at the image of the scans outside the Wheel and zoomed in. If he was reading this correctly, they appeared to be coming from that small abandoned space station.

His rambling thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. It was Jamie's voice, no doubt. He turned to find Jamie and Zoe gazing at him pointedly.

"So, what did ye see, Doctor?"

He thought for a moment, not quite sure how to start. _You've already told them all about the Vashta Nerada, you old fool. Well, mostly about them. Now tell them what the hell is going on here and what it could mean._

"Now, you're probably not going to understand what's shown here, but bear with me." He gestured toward one of the screens which showed the scans he picked up in Zoe's library. "These are the scans I just performed where your old books were located. This signature clearly belongs to those Vashta Nerada I was telling you about. Now ..." He gestured to a second screen showing the scans of the area outside the Wheel. "These were scans I'd performed when we first arrived. This small craft here is another space station. I didn't pick up any life signs so I would assume either the crew left, or –"

"Or they were killed."

The Time Lord was a bit surprised by Jamie's sudden forthright contribution. He turned and found Zoe with a look of fear on her face. "Well, let's not jump to conclusions. It could have been ...Yeah. Or maybe they were killed," he muttered, realizing there probably wasn't any other conclusion.

"How horrible," Zoe uttered worriedly.

The Doctor glanced briefly at Jamie. The young man appeared as if he didn't know what to do. He suspected he still had mixed feelings about seeing Zoe: overjoyed just to see her again, but still upset that she didn't have her memories back. He felt a smile tug at him as he watched Jamie take her into his arms and give her a comforting hug.

"Well, we don't know for certain." He turned back to the second screen. "Now, if you look at these anomalies you can see where they appear to be heading."

"They look like they're heading straight for the Wheel!" Zoe exclaimed.

"Yes. The last time I encountered them, I was able to communicate with them and convince them to back down for a while." The memory of losing yet another person dear to him suddenly surfaced and he tried to push it away. "One member of the team I was with sacrificed herself to rescue the others and we left the planet to the Vashta Nerada. I don't understand why they would be out here." A thought suddenly occurred to him and he groaned. "Of course. This happened in the fiftieth century. This is only the twenty-first century. Damn, how could I be so stupid?"

"You've been through a lot, Doctor. We don't expect ye tae be brilliant one hundred percent of the time. 'Specially at yer age."

He turned to find Jamie giving him a mischievous grin.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to mock the elderly?"

Jamie's grin melted into an apologetic smile and he held his hands up in surrender. "Sorry. So, ye were saying...?"

"I was able to get them to stop the last time. Let's just say they were no match for me. Although the events of my previous experience with them haven't happened yet technically, I could convince them to at least stand down and leave the Wheel and all of you in peace."

"So what do we have tae do?" Jamie asked, appearing bewildered.

"They inhabited two spacesuits the last time and they were able to communicate with me through the suits' neural relays. I don't know if there are any suits on that space station; I'll do a closer scan and see if anything comes up. If not, we can bring spare suits with us."

"But you said those things were capable of eating people," Zoe chimed in. "How are you going to be protected?"

The Doctor smiled fondly at her. Truly her memories had not returned, otherwise she'd know not to underestimate him. "After that incident I acquired some special, non-permeable space suits tested to withstand infiltration from beings such as this. I'll show them to you." He shifted his gaze to Jamie, deciding there was something he needed to tell the young man. "Jamie, would you be a dear and help a frail old man retrieve these heavy suits?"

He watched Jamie's face go from surprised to slightly amused before he nodded. "Aye."

"We'll be back shortly, Zoe. Make yourself at home," the Doctor called over his shoulder as he led Jamie down a corridor toward the wardrobe.

The Doctor noticed Jamie had been very quiet as they neared the wardrobe area. As they approached the section for personal protective equipment, he turned and found the young man looking quite sullen. Now was probably a good time to broach the subject he'd been meaning to address.

"You have something you want to tell me?"

Jamie met his eyes in bewilderment. "Eh?"

"Don't play stupid with me, Jamie. You know it doesn't work. I noticed you seemed quite awkward around Zoe, as though you didn't know what to do with her. And of course there was your earlier behavior when you realized her memories hadn't come back."

Jamie lowered his head in apparent embarrassment and sighed. It seemed he was more unhappy about this than the Time Lord originally suspected. "Ye got me, Doctor. It's no secret I'm no' happy about Zoe's memories being gone. I was hoping she'd got them back. She's so … smart. Even though I'm not too happy tae admit that." He gave a sheepish chuckle.

The Doctor gazed at him sympathetically. "It may seem that way, but smarts don't have anything to do with it, my boy. There could be a few theories as to why Zoe didn't get her memories back. Perhaps she was repressing them ..."

Uh oh. That was a poor choice of words. Jamie looked utterly hurt by the possibility that Zoe would choose to repress the memories of her time with them.

"I mean perhaps she was repressing the mechanism that would allow the seeds to activate the memory stream. She may not have even done it consciously, of her own free will. It's possible the Time Lords put it there because of her structured way of thinking and her ability of total recall. We can't say for sure. It could also simply be that she didn't experience anything that would trigger the seeds."

He breathed a sigh of relief as Jamie visibly relaxed. "Tell you what. I can do a brain scan on her that would help shed some light on this."

"Ye mean it? Ye can do that?"

"Yes, though I must add the caveat 'if she is willing.'"

"Oh, I'm sure she will be, Doctor," Jamie enthused.

The Time Lord sighed. If only it were that easy. He also had something else to admit. "If the brain scan turns up unsuccessful as far as the seeds are concerned, I can bring her memories back."

Jamie's jaw dropped and he stared at the Doctor, obviously shocked by the admission.

"What? Ye can bring her memories back?!"

The Doctor immediately dropped his gaze to the floor, embarrassed that he hadn't been completely candid with the young man. "Yes. I'm fairly certain I can do that."

He heard Jamie utter a sound of disbelief and he looked back up at him.

"And yer only tellin' me this now?! Why didnae ye say anything in the first place?!"

"Jamie, please. I didn't -"

"Doctor! If it's easy as all that, ye should've said somethin' tae me and not let me keep on believin' Zoe's memories were gone for good!"

"Jamie, listen to me. I couldn't tell you because I didn't want to say anything in front of Zoe. This is a very serious matter and I didn't want to overwhelm her too much. Poor girl was overwhelmed enough just by my telling her about how I'm now a different chap and how you came back. We don't want to frighten her off. Do you understand now?"

Jamie shut his eyes and sighed heavily. "Aye. I'm sorry, Doctor. The last thing I'd want tae do is frighten her off."

The Time Lord managed a little smile. He sympathized with Jamie, but this was a very delicate situation and they needed to tread carefully.

"How long would this take? I mean, the brain scan and giving Zoe her memories back?"

"When I scanned your brain it was nearly instantaneous. Now, giving Zoe her memories back is a different matter altogether. That is instantaneous, but she may be dealing with the fallout of it for a while, just as you did as your memories were returning."

Jamie nodded. The boy seemed to understand, which was good, but the Doctor now had something else nagging at him.

"Jamie, you're probably not going to like what I'm asking, but I need to ask it nonetheless. What is behind your wanting Zoe to regain her memories so badly?"

Jamie stared at him in confusion. "What d'ye mean?"

The Time Lord sighed and scrubbed his face. This wasn't going to be easy. "I know how very much you miss your friends – Ben, Polly, Victoria, and of course Zoe. I know it hurt you to learn that Zoe doesn't remember traveling with us nor anything about you beyond our previous visit. But are you sure your intentions aren't purely selfish here?"

Jamie's expression was a mix of incredulity and hurt. "Are ye saying I only want her memories back for the sake of my own happiness? That I'm no' thinking of Zoe and her feelings in this? Well, yer wrong, Doctor."

Of course Jamie could say that, but the slight blush that had overtaken his face seemed to belie that assertion, at least in part.

"Aye, it would make me very happy tae see that she remembers more aboot us than what she saw the last time we were here. But I saw how upset she looked when ye were tellin' her aboot yer regeneration and how ye found me. Ye said yerself she looked overwhelmed. But I know her, Doctor. I know she was frustrated as well. Ye said she has total recall. She's very bright and I know she must be upset and frustrated not tae remember everything. Perhaps I am a wee selfish here but I'm thinking of her as well."

The Doctor raised his eyebrows in thought. Jamie made a good argument and he was definitely smarter than people gave him credit for, himself included. His lips twitched into a faint smile. "I believe you. I didn't mean to assume you were only thinking about yourself, Jamie. I will do a brain scan on Zoe and offer to bring her memories back. You have to be prepared for the possibility she may not accept."

Jamie looked as if he was swallowing a lump in his throat as he considered this. Finally he nodded. "Aye. I will accept if she does no' want tae do it. I won't be happy but it's up tae her."

The Doctor's smile widened and he patted Jamie on the shoulder. "That's my boy. Once we get this whole Vashta Nerada situation under control, I'll talk to her about it." He turned to remove the space suits and gathered them into his arms.

"What? Yer not gonna do it now?"

"Jamie, we really don't have time now! It's not going to be 1, 2, 3, Zoe's memories are back, let's go save the day."

"But, Doctor, we don't know what will happen with these creatures! What if we all get killed?"

"Then we won't have to worry about brain scans and restoring memories, will we?" the Doctor snapped.

Jamie's eyes widened and he stared at the Doctor incredulously, obviously taken completely aback by what he had just said. Shit. He couldn't even believe that came from his own mouth. Why did he have to go there? The memory of his snapping at Jamie back in the TARDIS when he showed him the picture of Clara suddenly resurfaced. Before he could say anything, Jamie abruptly turned and stormed off.

Swearing under his breath, the Doctor dropped the suits and rushed to catch up with him. "I didn't mean it that way, Jamie!"

"Oh, aye, Doctor. Sure ye didn't," the young man retorted angrily.

"Just stop!" the Doctor shouted as he reached out to grab Jamie's arms and spun him around. "Look, I promise we won't get killed. Trust me." It almost felt wrong for him to make such a promise, one that was virtually impossible for him to keep, but he swore to himself he'd do everything in his power to keep them safe. He gazed at Jamie contritely. "I apologize for the poor choice of words. It just slipped out."

Jamie's glare softened and he gave a slight nod. "Alright."

"You're a saint for putting up with me, McCrimmon."

"I have tae admit, Doctor, yer startin' tae give me whiplash." He smiled sheepishly. "Sometimes I never know what yer gonna say next. I remember ye used tae accuse _me_ of bein' quick tae react."

The Doctor admitted to himself that Jamie was right. The young man himself was usually the "act first, think later" type. The Time Lord instantly regretted his impulsive, erratic behavior of late. Perhaps it wasn't so misplaced given the dire situation facing them at the moment, but he did recognize it was a bit over the top.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'll try to watch myself from now on." He gave Jamie a reassuring smile. "Now, let me get those suits." He headed back down the corridor and found the four suits where he'd dropped them. Returning to Jamie, he handed a suit to him.

"They're completely non-permeable. I brought four of them: two for us, and two spare ones in case we need them to capture and communicate with the Vashta Nerada." He began donning his suit and gestured to Jamie to put his on.

Jamie nodded and donned his as well. "So ye didn't get one for Zoe?"

"No. She's going to stay here. I want her to monitor the area so we don't get anymore surprises."

"Understood, Doctor."

Zoe sat studying the console while she waited for the Doctor and Jamie to return. What was taking them so long, anyway? She hoped there was nothing wrong. She gazed at the monitors showing the scans of that area in the library as well as the area outside the Wheel around that abandoned space station. She felt guilt nagging at her once again for the presence of those creatures. If only she'd known about those books and immediately had their information transferred electronically and then removed them, this wouldn't have happened. She could have put the entire Wheel in jeopardy.

Shaking her head, she scolded herself for these thoughts. They had both told her it wasn't her fault. She still couldn't help but feel partly responsible, but she resolved to help them defend the Wheel and defeat these Vashta Nerada once and for all.

Hearing footsteps approach, she turned her gaze toward one of the corridors and found the Doctor and Jamie walking toward her, wearing the spacesuits the Doctor had told her about. He was carrying two more of them, one she surmised for herself and the other … a spare?

"We've got to head to that abandoned space station to find out what's going on," the Doctor said, bending to check something on one of the scans. "Ah, yes. We'll be needing those two spacesuits after all, Jamie."

"Two spacesuits?" Zoe asked, bewildered.

"Yes. I zoomed in on the scans of that space station and couldn't pick up the presence of any suits there. Like I said, I need them to trap the Vashta Nerada and communicate with them via the neural relays."

It finally dawned on Zoe that one of those suits was not for her. "If you don't want me going with you, is there some other way I can help?"

"You can help by staying on the TARDIS and monitoring the scans," the Doctor replied. He gave her a two-way radio. "This is tuned to the same channel Jamie and I are on. If you see anything important, you can contact us this way."

She nodded, still a bit disappointed she couldn't join them, but at least she wasn't totally useless.

The Doctor once again went over with her what areas the scans covered and what she should be looking for before he and Jamie left the TARDIS for the Wheel's hull.

She turned back to the screens and sighed. So much had happened in such a short amount of time. Jamie was back with this man who insisted he was the Doctor, even though he wasn't the same 'Doctor' as the one she'd met only a week ago. Both he and Jamie had filled her in on what had happened to them during this "lost" time, and that she herself had traveled with them but had those memories taken away from her.

It was so much to take in and now she barely had time to digest it, thanks to the threat these Vashta Nerada creatures posed. Was there any way for her to get these memories back? Would it be worth it to even explore such an option? Surely it would make Jamie happy, but what about her? Wouldn't it be up to her and no one else? Why was she even agonizing over this anyway? There was no point at the moment …...

Zoe suddenly jumped and realized she must have dozed off. She noticed the TARDIS lights were blinking and she heard what sounded like an alarm sounding. Gazing at the screen showing the library, she found the anomalies belonging to those microscopic beings looked as if they had multiplied and were moving.

"What?" she breathed. She couldn't see where they were heading; the view was cut off. "How do you zoom out?" she muttered. She finally located a button with a "-" sign and hit it a few times. The view zoomed out and she could see into the corridor. The signatures were moving slowly but steadily and seemed to be moving in the direction of …

"Oh, no." No wonder the alarm was sounding. Thinking quickly, Zoe reached for the two-way radio the Doctor had given her and switched it on. "Doctor! Jamie! It's Zoe, do you read me?"

She waited for an answer, but none came. All she heard on the other end was static.

"Damn it!" she shouted. She tried again. "Jamie! Doctor! This is Zoe. Do you read me?!"

Nothing.

Returning her gaze to the monitor, she felt her blood run cold. The Vashta Nerada were heading straight for the TARDIS and were picking up steam.

"Oh, Doctor, Jamie, please answer me!" she groaned, trying the radio again.

The radio answered back with nothing but static.

 _At least come back soon and in one piece_ , she silently pleaded.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Reaching to scratch the back of his neck and then realizing that was impossible, Jamie grimaced. These spacesuits were hot and pretty uncomfortable, but if they were non-permeable as the Doctor insisted then he had no reason to complain. He tried to get his mind off the stubborn itch and instead shone his torch around the darkened area of the abandoned space station. Such a desolate area it was. It was much smaller than the Wheel, probably not big enough for more than ten people or so. Not long after arriving, he and the Doctor did a sweep of the main room and upon not finding anything they separated, Jamie going down one wing and the Doctor the other.

The room he was in looked like a kitchen of some sort. He'd checked the whole room and apart from some very old looking crumbs of food, there was nothing to be found.

"Nothin' here, Doctor," he announced into his radio. He waited about fifteen seconds but when the Doctor didn't respond he tried again. "Doctor?"

Still no answer.

"Doctor, it's Jamie. Do ye read me?!"

Jamie felt his heart speed up as he began to think the worst. Could those wee creatures have found him and attacked him?

"Don't worry, Doctor. I'm on m'way," he said quietly, picking up his torch and hurrying out of the room. He ran at nearly breakneck speed down the wing of the space station and toward the other in pursuit of his dear friend.

He barely managed to hear an exclamation of surprise before he collided with something.

"OOF!"

That "something" turned out to be the Doctor.

"Doctor!" Jamie panted. "I didn't hear ye on the radio and I thought the worst! I thought those creatures had attacked ye!"

The Doctor gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "It's okay, Jamie. I heard you on the radio and I tried to respond, but it seems that something is interfering with the signal. It could be something in the atmosphere here is weakening the signal or scrambling it."

"Oh, aye. I'm just glad yer alright."

"Of course I am. Non-permeable suit, remember?"

Jamie nodded sheepishly. "So did ye find anything?"

"No, but I haven't finished with this corridor yet," the Doctor replied, making a sweeping gesture with his arm. "There's one more room at the end. I couldn't make out everything you said on the radio. Anything at your end?"

"No, nothing." Jamie shook his head. "Just some stale bits o' food."

The Doctor nodded and gestured for Jamie to follow him. The space station was dark save for some very faint lights built into the walls. Jamie assumed they were some kind of backup light source. This place had to have been abandoned a long time ago given how dim they were. The lighting conditions also made their shadows appear longer than Jamie was used to seeing. Recalling what the Doctor said about these creatures and their ability to mimic shadows made a shiver run down his spine. As they headed for the room at the end of the corridor, he occasionally turned and shone his torch behind him, double checking to make sure he only had one shadow.

Also to calm his nerves somewhat, he decided to make conversation. "So, Doctor, ye said ye encountered these things before. Is there anything else ye can tell me aboot them?"

"Nothing I haven't really told you already, Jamie. I wouldn't allow you to go into this situation unprepared."

Jamie nodded and felt a grateful smile twitch at his lips. "Well, thank ye. I appreciate that. Can I ask how ye finally defeated them?"

There was a moment of silence and a sigh before the Doctor began to speak. "There really is no way of defeating them. That's what makes them so formidable an enemy. However I knew the library would hold information about me. I had the Vashta Nerada look me up. Let's just say my reputation alone was enough to make them stand down for a while. After reading about me in the library, they agreed to give me a day."

 _His reputation alone_ , Jamie wondered in amusement. _Och, I wonder what on Earth could've been in there tae make them cower in such fear?_

He didn't realize he mused that aloud.

"Oh, the things I've done, McCrimmon, you'd be surprised," the Doctor replied nonchalantly.

Jamie felt his cheeks burn and the words tumbled from his lips. "No, Doctor, I didnae mean..."

The Doctor chuckled in what sounded like fondness. "It's alright, my boy." He sighed before continuing.

Jamie listened as the Doctor filled him in on what else had happened during that previous encounter. He didn't give many details, but he did mention that woman who had sacrificed herself to rescue the other people on their team. The Doctor didn't say much about her apart from her name – River Song – but from the way he spoke, Jamie could see she must have meant something to him. Recalling his behavior after he'd first told Jamie about Clara, the young man certainly wasn't going to push him for any more information about her. Besides, the most important thing at the moment was figuring out how to stop these creatures.

"So, if we can't defeat them is there some other way we can get them tae leave the Wheel?"

The Doctor paused. "I will have to try and negotiate with them. It worked last time so I can't imagine why it wouldn't now." He then muttered under his breath, "Unless of course these are their grumpy old great-great-great-great-great-great grandparents..."

Jamie followed the Doctor further down the wing and slowed to a stop in front of a large room on their left. Peering inside, he noticed it looked like a laboratory. He turned and found the Doctor looking inside as well.

"Ah, now, if there are going to be any books on board this space station, no doubt this is the place we'd find them, my dear Watson."

"Eh?"

"Never mind," the Doctor muttered.

Jamie shrugged and followed him inside. The Time Lord gestured to him to check one side of the room while he'd check the other. Jamie nodded and made his way toward the back of the room. He shone his torch around the dimly lit area, not finding anything noteworthy until the beam of light hit a large set of bookshelves against the wall.

Jamie approached the shelves and noticed they were nearly empty, save for a few thin, hardcover books lying haphazardly on top of the second shelf from the bottom. Kneeling, he reached to pick one of them up and then felt another shiver go down his spine. What if these things were crawling with those creatures? He shuddered, suddenly feeling his skin crawl.

"No, wait, the Doctor said these suits would totally protect us from them," he whispered to himself. "Just picking the books up shouldnae do anything."

He worked up the courage to touch them and finally picked one of them up. As he pulled back the worn, hard cover, he frowned. No wonder the book was so thin – most of the pages were gone. All that seemed to remain was the stuff holding the binding together, some kind of glue? There were a couple of pages left, but they were very brittle and pieces of them broke off as Jamie tried to turn them. At first he thought it was due to the gloves of his spacesuit which were large and cumbersome, but the pages themselves looked as if they were very worn and delicate.

He placed the book down and picked up a couple more. They were in the same condition: most of the pages completely gone. The typed words were totally unreadable, as if they were almost melting off the pages.

He turned and found the Doctor crouched on the floor closer to the front of the room, looking under a table.

"Doctor! Ye have tae see this!"

He turned back to the books, staring at them in disbelief and then wheeled around as he heard footsteps approach.

"You found something?" the Doctor asked, crouching next to him.

"Aye, look at these books!"

He handed one of them to the Doctor who shone his torch upon it. He watched the Doctor's face as he flipped the cover of the book over, his brow furrowing and his mouth dropping open as he appeared to be scrutinizing the object.

"Most of the pages are missing." He fingered the remaining pages and pieces of them flaked off on the fingers of his gloves, just as they'd done with Jamie. "They've disintegrated almost beyond recognition." He grabbed his sonic screwdriver from his pocket and turned it on, apparently scanning the book before placing it back on the shelf. Jamie handed the remaining books to him and he repeated the procedure with them.

"I wonder how many they had here," Jamie mused aloud. His gaze settled back on the other shelves and he found what appeared to be little pieces of paper that looked as if they'd been torn off; perhaps bits of other books that were now gone?

"Well, I would assume it was a lot based on the size of the bookshelves," the Doctor returned, still studying the last book in his hand. He suddenly froze and his eyes lit up. "That's why they were heading for the Wheel, Jamie. They're escaping. They're desperate for their life's blood. They have a symbiotic relationship with the trees from their forest and they have to find something, even if it's something as simple as paper made from the trees of that forest, paper which is contained in books!"

Jamie frowned in thought as he took in all the Doctor was saying. Even though the Time Lord was talking at nearly light speed, he thought he had the gist of it. "So, they're heading for the Wheel because of the books in Zoe's library? Is it as simple as all that, Doctor?"

"I can't think of any other reason, my boy."

"But she didnae even have that many there."

"It's possible other personnel there have books as well. We should question them when we get back."

"Er, how are we gannae do that without, as you say, raisin' suspicion?" Jamie asked him pointedly.

"Well, we'll ask Zoe first. Perhaps she knows something," the Doctor returned distractedly as he appeared to be scanning the rest of the room with the sonic screwdriver. Jamie caught the resulting frown on his face.

"What?"

"No sign of any Vashta Nerada here."

"Is it possible they've all gone toward the Wheel already? How many d'ye think there were?"

"I don't know," the Doctor replied as he made his way out of the room, continuing to scan the atmosphere around them. Jamie followed him as they made their way back down the corridor in the direction from which they'd come.

"Anything?"

"No."

Jamie inwardly breathed a sigh of relief but the Doctor seemed puzzled, and maybe a bit troubled as well.

"This must mean they've gone and are heading for the Wheel, like you've said. We need to contact Zoe."

As if something read their minds, Jamie's radio crackled to life.

"Doctor! Jamie! Do you read me? Please answer me!" a voice belonging to Zoe shouted. It was a bit muffled and not totally clear, but Jamie could hear the desperation in her voice.

He pushed the button on the radio. "Zoe?"

"Zoe, this is the Doctor. Do you read me?"

There was a bit of static for a few seconds, and then ... "Yes, loud and clear! You have no idea how worried I've been! I've been trying to reach you for nearly half an hour now!"

Jamie released the breath he'd been holding. The poor girl sounded almost as if she'd been trying to keep from crying.

"I'm sorry, the signal in here has been pretty weak," the Doctor replied. "What's the matter, Zoe? Did anything else show up on the scans?"

"Yes, and _you need to get back here now!_ " she shouted.

Jamie felt his heart leap into his throat. "Zoe, has something happened? What is it?" he nearly choked out.

"Those Vashta Nerada creatures, I've been watching them on the scans. They're heading straight for the TARDIS and they're picking up speed!"

Jamie turned to the Doctor and saw him screw his eyes shut.

"What is it, Doctor?" he asked quietly.

"My library," the Time Lord replied simply. "The Vashta Nerada must have been attracted to my library whenever I opened the TARDIS doors."

"Ye mean ye have books that were made from that same paper?"

"No, but I have books that are made from a derivative of that paper. The trees are from a very similar species, so it's not unheard of that the Vashta Nerada had sensed it and got a bit confused."

"Oh, well, then we can explain to them their mistake and send them on their way."

"It's not that simple, Jamie. They won't need the books, certainly not, but that doesn't mean they'd refuse a little snack. And with you, me, and Zoe on board the TARDIS, it'll be like a smorgasbord to them."

"A what?"

"An all-you-can-eat dinner special."

"But I thought ye said these suits were non-permeable! All we've got tae do is tell Zoe tae put one on and we'll all be protected!"

"Ah, yeah, about that ..." The Doctor suddenly appeared awkward. "I might've made a teeny tiny little mistake. These suits aren't entirely non-permeable."

"WHAT?"

"In my haste I picked up the wrong suits, alright?!" The Doctor sighed and appeared overly contrite. "I'm sorry, Jamie. If we get back to the TARDIS and manage to get inside before the Vashta Nerada I'll get us the right ones!"

Jamie couldn't believe his ears. It was a good thing these creatures were no longer on board this space station, otherwise he and the Doctor could have been goners. But now Zoe's life could be in danger as well.

"For now, Zoe is safe in the TARDIS. They can't get in."

Jamie stared at the Doctor incredulously. "Maybe so, but they can get in once _we_ go back inside the TARDIS!"

The Doctor held up the other two suits they'd brought. "Not if I trap them in these first. She said they were heading for the TARDIS. That doesn't mean they've reached it yet. If we can beat them there, we'll have a good chance of heading them off."

"But what aboot the other people on the Wheel? Aren't they in danger as well?"

The Doctor nodded. "That's why I want to trap them and get them to stand down." He watched the Doctor reach for his radio again. "Zoe? It's the Doctor, do you read me?"

"Loud and clear. Please hurry back!" Zoe's voice cried fearfully.

"Don't worry. As long as the TARDIS doors are shut, you're safe. We're on our way. Sit tight."

* * *

Finally having made it back to the Wheel's hull, the Doctor and Jamie hurried down the corridor toward the TARDIS. The Time Lord couldn't believe how stupid he'd been, not even thinking for a moment that the books in his library could add another element of danger to their predicament. It was a good thing Zoe had stayed back on the TARDIS to monitor the scans, and that her radio transmission alerting them to the situation had finally come through.

Suddenly hearing a sigh, he turned slightly and found Jamie gazing up at him almost dubiously.

"What?"

"It's just … I can't believe the situations we get ourselves into."

"Hey, with your memories back, this should come as no surprise to you."

"Aye, but ..."

"Look, I know I was careless and should have been paying more attention. I don't deny that. I'm usually more on top of things than this. The only thing I can blame it on is -"

"Hey, y'know, at _yer_ -"

"If the next word out of your mouth is 'age' I'll have the TARDIS shave your head while you sleep."

He grinned inwardly as he watched Jamie quickly clamp his mouth shut, followed by a teasing grin tugging at a corner of his mouth.

Seemingly wanting to change the subject, Jamie cleared his throat. "So, er … the TARDIS is just ahead. What's the plan?"

The Time Lord had to admit to himself he hadn't thought very much about a plan … A Plan A, anyway. He had been focusing much more on a Plan B, a backup plan in case they weren't able to keep the Vashta Nerada from infesting the TARDIS.

"Well, you're a fast runner, Jamie. As soon as I get the doors unlocked, we'll run inside at lightning speed and immediately close the doors behind us."

He watched Jamie quirk an eyebrow at him. "Yer joking. Ye really think that's gannae keep them out?" He then paused in thought. "Wait, how fast are they?"

"Oh, they're … quite fast."

"Doctor, we don't stand a chance! We'll be putting Zoe and ourselves in danger!"

"Alright, look. I know it sounds ridiculous but we've got no other alternative. I'll scan the area outside the TARDIS for their presence before we enter and if it's all clear, we'll head inside. Does that sound better?"

Jamie paused and then nodded. "Aye. It'll give us a head start anyway."

They finally ended up in front of the TARDIS and the Doctor removed his screwdriver once again. Another scan came up empty. Perhaps the Vashta Nerada were distracted and had moved to another area of the Wheel. Not that that was any better, obviously. He had to get to the bottom of it one way or another, but defending the TARDIS and his two companions was his priority at the moment.

He signaled to Jamie, letting him know the area was clear and he crept up to the doors. Removing his key from his pocket, he inserted it and gave it a twist, allowing the lock to give way. Placing his hand on Jamie's back he guided him forward, mouthing 'Go!'

The young man nodded and the Doctor timed swinging the TARDIS doors open with his running start. It took about two seconds, but they both landed inside the TARDIS and the Doctor had quickly shut the doors behind them.

"Zoe! Put this on!" he shouted, throwing one of the spacesuits to Zoe. Zoe regarded him incredulously and he watched her do as he'd ordered.

"B-but ye just told me they're not entirely non-permeable!" Jamie protested. "How is this gannae keep her safe?!"

"It's better than nothing at the moment, Jamie!" the Doctor snapped before firing up his sonic screwdriver. Yes, he wanted Zoe and Jamie to have the highest amount of protection possible, but right now he had to make sure none of the Vashta Nerada swarms had been able to sneak aboard the TARDIS.

Practically leaping from corner to corner of the room, he performed a thorough scan of the immediate surroundings for the presence of the Vashta Nerada.

There were none. None at all.

He heaved a sigh. It seemed he and Jamie had made it back inside before they had a chance to join them.

"We're alright," he said, directing his gaze back to his two companions. "The scans came up negative. Looks like we've beat them here. Now, we have to step outside and deal the area between the TARDIS and your library. They're most likely still there and we can't let them threaten anyone else on the Wheel." He quickly turned to look down one of the corridors. "This time I'll get the right suits for us."

He was about to make his way out of the room when Jamie cleared his throat.

"Er … Doctor?"

The Time Lord turned and suddenly felt sick to his stomach. Jamie was looking nervously down at the extra shadow that had suddenly appeared behind him.

" _No_ ..."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"No. _No_ ..."

The Doctor stood, staring at the extra shadow in back of Jamie – a Vashta Nerada swarm. He'd been so sure they had outrun the microscopic carnivorous beings. How could they have infiltrated the TARDIS without the alarms going off? Could they have tripped her up? Could they be dealing with a subset of these creatures vastly different from those in the swarms he'd encountered in that great Library many centuries later? Ones that were more … primitive and ravenous?

He gulped at the thought. No. He couldn't lose Jamie. He'd lost River. He'd just lost Clara.

He _couldn't_ lose Jamie. Or Zoe.

"Doctor, help him!"

Zoe's desperate plea snapped him out of it and his gaze dropped to the extra spacesuit in his arms. He had to trap them just as he'd done before.

"Hey!" he shouted. The swarm which had drawn closer to Jamie and looked as if it were trying to find a point of entry into his suit froze.

Grinning, the Doctor held the suit up as he swiftly approached the swarm.

"Doctor, be careful!" Jamie cried.

"Don't worry, my boy. I know what I'm doing," the Time Lord spoke with determination, opening the suit up to allow the Vashta Nerada to enter it. He watched as the swarm seemed to hesitate for a moment and then filled up the suit.

"Are you sure they're in there? Are we safe now?" Zoe asked.

The Doctor nodded for a moment before removing his sonic screwdriver again and doing a quick scan of the immediate area. "Yes, they're trapped inside." He watched Jamie breathe a sigh of relief. "I'm now going to attempt communication with them via the suit's neural relays. If I can intimidate them enough I'll get them to stand down."

"But didn't you say last time they looked up information on you in that library? How are you going to get them to do that now?"

"Aye, and didn't ye say this happened in a different time? These wee beasties may no' know anything about ye, Doctor."

The Doctor briefly shut his eyes and sighed. He had conveniently overlooked that important notion. "Well, I could blast their little microscopic eardrums with a guitar solo ..."

Jamie stared at him, probably dumbfounded at the stupid suggestion before his eyes suddenly widened. "Wait, can't the TARDIS make ye a copy of that information ye showed them the last time?"

"What?"

"The TARDIS can do almost anything, can't she? Perhaps she can make a … a copy of that stuff for ye."

Almost as if in acknowledgment, the lights in the console room seemed to brighten a bit.

The Doctor frowned in thought. It _couldn't_ be that simple … and yet …

"Well, it's certainly worth a shot ..." He turned toward the console and tapped a few keys to bring up the information from his last encounter with the Vashta Nerada, focusing on the information stored on him in the Library archive file. The TARDIS hummed, already at work creating a facsimile of the Library's record of the Doctor which would be transmitted to the rabid microscopic creatures.

"Doctor?"

His gaze settled on Jamie who was gesturing toward something just behind him. He turned to find the spacesuit that encapsulated the Vashta Nerada had risen from the ground and was standing upright, as if inhabited by an actual person. Jamie and Zoe were staring at it, eyes widened in surprise and perhaps a bit of fear.

"Don't worry, this is typical behavior. They're interfacing with an imprint of a neural relay from the last time I encountered them. Now that I've got their attention I'm going to communicate with them."

Jamie nodded. "Ye'll get them tae stand down and leave everyone alone? Then what?"

Hm. The Doctor hated to admit it, but he hadn't thought that far yet. He had been preoccupied with getting them trapped and away from Jamie.

"Can't ye take them back to that planet?"

"What planet?" Zoe asked.

"That one with the forest with all those trees ye were talkin' aboot … the one they came from!"

An interesting idea Jamie had, but there had to be a catch. Right? "But the trees were cut down and made into those books. That's why they were there in the first place," the Doctor muttered aloud.

He could see Jamie quirking an eyebrow, even through his suit's visor. "Aye, but according tae you, that has no' happened yet." He suddenly blinked in hesitation. "Has it?"

The Time Lord pondered this and his eyes suddenly widened as the realization struck him once again. "No, it hasn't! Fifty-first century versus twenty-first century, no, that won't happen for hundreds upon hundreds of years!" he recited quickly. Deep down he felt like kicking himself. This conclusion would have seemed obvious to anyone, but with all that was going on recently he felt as if he wasn't firing on all cylinders. He had to thank Jamie for bringing it up.

"I mean, I could do a scan just to make sure an earlier deforestation hadn't occurred, but ..." He stopped and gazed gratefully at Jamie before quickly approaching the young man and grabbing him by the arms. "Jamie, my boy, you're brilliant!"

He barely caught Zoe rolling her eyes in reaction and Jamie regarding her smugly before turning back to the Doctor.

"It's nothin', Doctor," he shrugged. "It just seemed like the right thing tae do. Y'know, give them the option of returning to the planet if they'll leave everyone here alone."

"Perfect. I will give them that option." The Doctor looked over toward the TARDIS console. "My girl, have ya done your thing? Have you given them some reading material?"

The lights softly blinked in affirmation.

The Doctor smiled in triumph before turning back to the inhabited spacesuit.

"Now, listen to me!" he commanded. "You and I are gonna have a little chat! You've mastered that neural relay. Now I want you to use that suit's communicator and acknowledge that you understand me. I am the Doctor and I ask that you speak to me."

There was about a minute of silence before he heard the suit's communicator crackle to life.

" _Doc – tor_..."

The voice that spoke was metallic and stilted but still sounded vaguely human, most likely from the imprint of the neural relay left behind.

"Yes, I am the Doctor."

" _We are Vash-ta Ner-ada. We came as micro-spores. From books. We hatched and -_ "

"Yes, yes, yes. I know."

There was a slight bit of hesitation, and then …

" _You know of us?_ "

"Yes, I already know what you are. We've met before … Er, rather we _will_ meet."

" _We do not understand._ "

"Many centuries from now, I will meet your kind in a vast Library on another planet. What I need to know now is what you are doing here. Where have you come from and why?"

" _The craft. The books. We hatched from the books. They were made from the trees._ "

"Okay, that's a start," the Doctor muttered. Oh, boy. He had a feeling he was in for a long story.

" _Disaster occurred. The books were destroyed. The meat was failing._ "

"The _meat_. You-you mean the crew of the space station."

"Could there have been a chemical spill there at one time?" Zoe suddenly piped up.

"That's what it's starting to sound like to me," the Doctor replied, starting to put all the pieces together. "So, there could have been a chemical spill or chemical vapor intrusion that not only disintegrated the books, but also caused the crew to suffocate or become gravely ill."

" _Yes, Doc-tor. The meat was failing. We were hungry. They were our meal. We did them a service. They would have completely failed anyway. There was no other alternative._ "

The realization hit the Doctor hard. That was the last meal these creatures had. And now they were looking for more in the form of the Wheel inhabitants, plus he himself and his friends.

"So you escaped. You were attracted to the books in the Wheel's library, even though there weren't many. But you also sensed the books in this library." He gestured with his hands toward the TARDIS' library. "Which, no offense of course, was a gross error in judgment on your part. You see, the books in this library are not made with paper from your trees. They are related to a degree, but they're not the same. I think you would've been very disappointed in your findings had you got as far as you'd planned."

Another moment of silence.

" _In the end it would not have mattered. We would have got what we came here for anyway._ "

"Us," the Doctor breathed. He then gestured toward the TARDIS doors, indicating the Wheel corridors just outside. "And those people out there." He locked eyes with Jamie and Zoe and could see the discomfort reflected in their faces as well.

" _Correct._ "

The Doctor felt his hearts pounding as he was filled with a new sense of determination. "Well, I'm not going to let it happen again!"

" _Explain._ "

"The last time I met you, you attacked a group I was with and killed them!"

" _We did no such thing._ "

"No you haven't yet, but you will many centuries from now! You killed some very good people, stripped them right down to their bones. Someone very dear to me sacrificed herself so more lives wouldn't be lost. I will not allow you to kill the innocent people on board this space station and I certainly will _not_ allow you to kill my dear friends!" He waved a hand in the direction of Jamie and Zoe. "You will have to go through me first and believe me, you will not want to waste your energy attempting that. Especially after what you have just learnt about me."

More silence.

" _We only want to survive, Doc-tor. What else can we do?_ "

"I can take you back to that planet where you can live in peace within the forest. That way you can survive and innocent human lives will be spared."

" _You would do that for us?_ "

"Of course. You'll be back with all your trees and you can feast on the carcasses of dead animals as you usually do. I can take you back there now."

"Er, Doctor? Should ye not check and make sure all those trees are there?" Jamie suddenly piped up.

The Doctor turned to him. "I was just about to do that." He headed for the console and tapped a few keys to do a scan of the planet in question. Hearing a shuffling noise behind him, he turned to find the spacesuit had approached and was nearly next to him.

"Oh, be careful, Doctor!" Zoe cried.

"It's alright," he spoke soothingly. He turned to face the swarm-infested suit. "See this?" He gestured to one of the screens showing a dense forest. "Nothing but trees as far as the eye can see – or, whatever you use in place of eyes, anyway. This is paradise to you, isn't it."

" _We would much prefer to be in this place._ "

"Then I will take you there. But you have to agree that you will spare all these people, myself and my companions."

The protracted silence that followed made it seem as if the Vashta Nerada were seriously considering the Doctor's offer. He felt a spark of hope grow inside of him.

" _We accept your offer._ "

He quickly turned to find Jamie and Zoe releasing the breaths they both must have been holding.

"Super. I am charting a course for that planet as we speak!" He inputted the coordinates, pulled a couple of levers and set the TARDIS on a course for their home.

* * *

Breathing in the fresh, cooler air circulating through the TARDIS, Zoe heaved a sigh of relief. It was good to finally be able to remove that stifling spacesuit. Once they'd landed on the planet destined for the Vashta Nerada, the Doctor had provided them with the correct suits this time. They offered a much better level of protection against permeation and although the Doctor didn't think they absolutely needed it, it was better to be prepared. She was glad they were better protected, but that didn't change the fact that the suits were uncomfortable.

They'd brought the suit which encapsulated the spore-like beings with them onto the planet surface and, once the Doctor communicated with them one last time, he released them into the forest to be within their own surroundings. The three of them then returned to the TARDIS and he did another scan to make sure there weren't any stowaways remaining. Once they got the all clear, he told her and Jamie they could remove the suits.

She hoped the Vashta Nerada would be okay with what they had and that they'd leave any indigenous humans alone. The Doctor told her the planet was uninhabited, or at least the part where they dropped these creatures off. There were small animals roaming about and they should be fine with any rotting carcasses they'd find - "road kill" as he so oddly put it. She recalled him mentioning the trees being cut down to make those books eventually and the thought unsettled her, but she reminded herself that wouldn't take place for many, many years. It was best not to worry about it now. More than anything, she was relieved they'd saved everyone on the Wheel from being attacked, and especially Jamie. She'd be lying to herself if she didn't admit seeing him with that extra shadow really worried her a lot.

Having washed her face, she now felt refreshed and decided to take a stroll down the TARDIS corridors. Perhaps doing so would help her regain some familiarity with her surroundings. Now with this situation finally resolved, she found herself preoccupied again with the thoughts of her memories being gone. If she'd spent quite a bit of time traveling with the Doctor and Jamie, some of this place should seem familiar to her … and yet it really didn't. At all. She found it both confounding and frustrating.

As she walked further down the corridor she heard the sound of trickling water and birdsong coming from a room near the end on the right side. Slowing to a stop and peering inside, she found it to be a garden area of some sort. She found lush plants and trees, fountains, even a small stream meandering through a gentle landscape.

Overcome by such beauty, her breath hitched.

"Lovely, isnae it," a voice next to her suddenly intoned softly.

Jumping a bit she turned to see Jamie standing behind her with a wistful smile on his face. His expression became apologetic, apparently realizing he'd startled her.

"Och, I'm sorry."

"Oh! No, that's alright. I was just so mesmerized by it and didn't hear you sneak up."

Jamie ducked his head and chuckled. "Aye, it has a way of doing that tae people." He looked back up at her. "'Course, it's much different from the way I remember it."

"I'm sure it must be," she mused.

He looked at her and then seemed to hesitate a bit. "Alright if I show ye 'round?"

Zoe couldn't stop the smile tugging at her lips. "Yes, I would like that."

Jamie grew a smile of his own and then held his arm out for her to take. She locked arms with him and let him lead her into the room.

Zoe marveled at the beautiful sights that greeted her. There were some lush, tropical plants she'd only read about in books, and so many different species of exotic birds. Seeing them from just outside the room was one thing, but seeing it unfold before her up close made it much more … _real_.

"It's beautiful!"

Jamie nodded. "It is."

She watched a bright salmon colored bird jump from tree limb to tree limb when she suddenly felt Jamie's hand on her shoulder.

"There's a nice place tae sit here," he said, gesturing to a bench just beside the stream.

She nodded and sat down, looking up as he took a seat next to her.

He gazed at her for a moment with something akin to affection. "Ye know, I missed ye."

She felt her brows draw together in confusion. She knew their last interaction was of an antagonistic nature. Depending on how long they actually traveled together, could they have moved beyond that somehow? Could they have developed _feelings_ for each other? Serious ones?

"Y-you mean ..."

Jamie seemed to pick up on her thought process and he shook his head, grinning apologetically. "No, ah don' mean that. We bickered like a brother and sister but we were all like one little family – you, me, the Doctor … I really missed that."

It suddenly hit her. Of course. His memories had returned and those had obviously been among them. She instantly felt a pang of sympathy.

"Can you tell me about your memories returning? How did it happen?"

Jamie took a deep breath and gazed out at the landscape in front of them. "It started out as dreams, vague dreams that got clearer with time. Then after the Doctor rescued me from prison and I first saw the TARDIS again it was as if all these pictures and scenes just … hit me. The Doctor called it a memory stream. Then after I was back in the TARDIS and in my old room I found photographs of all the friends we traveled with, including ye. As soon as I saw them those scenes and pictures just hit me again … all the memories of everything we'd ever done. And then it hit me that you were all gone." He stopped and sniffled briefly.

"Well, I'm here now," she said, shrugging. She instantly regretted her glib tone and felt like kicking herself when she watched his face fall. She reached over and brushed a wayward strand of hair from his eye. "I'm sorry, it's just that … I find this all so overwhelming. There are so many missing pieces and I really wish I could find them, but ..."

"I can help you with that," a familiar voice suddenly announced. After sharing a quick look with Jamie, she lifted her gaze and found the Doctor standing, watching them.

"Ah! I thought I'd find you two here!" he exclaimed before joining them.

Jamie gave a sheepish, lopsided smile. "That obvious, eh?"

The Time Lord nodded with an amused grin. "You were both like my kids! What kind of question is that?"

They shared a chuckle before Zoe looked up at him pointedly, hoping he'd elaborate on what he'd just said.

"Zoe, I'm not sure how to bring this up. I know it's a very delicate situation, but … may I do a brain scan on you?"

She blinked in surprise. "A brain scan? You mean to see whether or not I'm capable of getting my memories back?"

The Doctor nodded. "Yes, exactly. It won't take long. In fact, I can do it as you're sitting right here." He gestured to a device that looked like some sort of headpiece.

Zoe frowned in thought. That's all there was to it? If it helped add one more piece to the puzzle, there certainly was no harm in doing it.

"Alright."

"Okay, now this won't hurt at all," the Doctor said, fitting the device over her head. He pushed something and she heard a faint humming sound. Before she could say "boo" it was all over and he removed it.

Heading out of the room, he gestured for them to follow him. Jamie gave her a quick nod and helped her off the bench.

The Doctor stopped in the console room and she saw him bent over, entering data he must have taken from the headpiece. He stared at one of the monitors and frowned. Was this a bad sign or was this his usual "thinking" face?

"What do ye see, Doctor?" Jamie asked.

He gestured to the screen. "You see these dark areas the size of a head of a pin? I believe these are the seeds." He then called up a scan of Jamie's brain on the other monitor. "This is a good representative of them in Jamie's brain. Now, Zoe, yours seem very undeveloped. It's as if something is holding them back. So, yes, I believe you have the means to allow a memory stream to be activated, but it would need a little prompting."

Zoe sighed. That wasn't all there was to it. No, how could it be? "A little prompting," she repeated. "In what way?"

The Doctor bent so that he was eye level with her. "I need permission to give you your memories back."

Her jaw dropped. "What? Y-you can just do that?"

The Time Lord nodded. "Yes," he replied softly.

She stared at him for a moment, trying to let this sink in. He could bring her memories back? How? Surely it must be a very involved process. If these memories covered events that occurred over the course of months, maybe even years … would it be too much for her to deal with?

"I don't know ..."

She turned to find Jamie gazing at her, almost pleadingly. "Come on, Zoe. I got my memories back alright. It won't hurt."

"You know that, Jamie?" the Doctor asked. "Remember, it was very different in your case."

Jamie sighed and lowered his head.

"Actually, he's right. It won't hurt. Physically, anyway."

"What about mentally? Emotionally?"

"Well … I can't guarantee it'll be a walk in the park." He smiled gently. "It's entirely up to you."

Zoe sighed. This wasn't an easy decision. Would she really want all those memories back? Just the sheer scope of them seemed overwhelming. There had to be some good ones, but there had to be some awful ones as well, possibly even heartbreaking. She didn't doubt it, especially from the way the Doctor told her about the way he'd been punished with she and Jamie taken away from him. The mere sound of it was painful; did she really want to have memories like that back? If only the Doctor could make the process selective, but she knew that would be a silly request.

The frustration of not knowing what had happened that whole time and the intense desire to get all the pieces put back won out over her ambivalence. Just the fact that this block of time was missing unsettled her. She had to know what had happened, what she had experienced with them. What if the Wheel was attacked by another formidable enemy, one she'd encountered in the past with the Doctor and Jamie? If she got those memories back, that knowledge could help save as many people as possible. It looked like there were some advantages to getting her memories back after all.

"Alright, Doctor. I give you permission."

The Doctor seemed surprised. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Yes. I am prepared to accept whatever the effects are."

She briefly shifted her gaze to Jamie and saw a faint smile on his face. He almost appeared grateful. She took a deep breath as the Doctor approached her with his hands up, index fingers raised.

"Now, this will not hurt ..." were the last words she heard as the Doctor placed his index fingers against her temples.

Suddenly she was hit with what felt like a tidal wave of images and scenes ...

Sneaking onto the TARDIS and hiding in a chest.

Battling Cybermen on Earth.

Nearly getting herself killed after solving the Krotons' puzzle.

Battling Ice Warriors on the Moon.

Helping put together a group of resistance fighters against the War Games.

" _Goodbye, Doctor. Will we ever meet again?"_

"AGGGHH!" she cried out in pain from the mental onslaught.

The tidal wave finally ceased and Zoe panted, frantically trying to catch her breath. Lowering her head, she began to weep softly.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"Not yet, Jamie. Give her a moment ..."

Those were the words Zoe managed to catch after the sound of footsteps close by pierced through the emotional overload that nearly consumed her. They were back. They were _all_ back. All the memories that had been stripped from her consciousness, starting with the moment she stowed away on the TARDIS and ending with being sent away from the Doctor to have said memories wiped.

It was so much information squeezed into mere seconds, but she was reliving it all. There were happy memories, of course: the three of them taking a much needed holiday to the seaside and stumbling upon a fair; she and Jamie taking the piss out of the Doctor for his less-than-stellar navigating skills; having a snowball fight on a wintry planet and then warming up in front of a fire with some hot cocoa; enjoying the TARDIS swimming pool …

But there were also the unpleasant ones: the events leading up to their time in the Land of Fiction, especially the TARDIS exploding; almost getting killed after successfully completing the Krotons' intelligence test; watching Jamie get shot by space prospector Milo Clancy and initially fearing him dead; not to mention the countless other times she'd nearly lost him and the Doctor.

And, of course, the worst of all: being forced to leave the Doctor as part of his punishment from the Time Lords. After being allowed a brief goodbye, she and Jamie were led into a SIDRAT where another uncaring Time Lord was waiting to send them off to their own times and places. There was no going back. She was reliving the pain that finality caused. It was remarkable as Zoe didn't think of herself as a very emotional person.

She remembered being taken to have her memory wiped. The Time Lord told her it wouldn't hurt physically, but the mere mention of it hurt her emotionally. She'd looked back at Jamie and saw the pain in his eyes, too. Once the procedure had ended, she was brought back to the SIDRAT transporters and when she looked at him again, he was a complete stranger. It didn't bother her at the time, of course, but now the memory of it stung. In a mere blink of an eye she was back on the Wheel with nothing but a slight nagging feeling that she'd overlooked something.

She shuddered as the memories overwhelmed her. Finally she lifted her gaze.

"Doctor … Jamie ..."

It was all she could get out before she rushed to embrace them both in a fierce hug.

The tears were flowing freely now but she paid no mind to them. "You're really back; I've missed you both so much," she said, her voice faltering.

She felt the Doctor pat her on the back and, stepping out of their embrace, she took a good look at them both. Jamie looked practically the same as he did when she'd seen him for what she'd thought was the very last time, with that shaggy, dark brown hair nearly flopping in his eyes and that bit of boyish charm in his face. As for the Doctor, he was very different from the Doctor she'd traveled with, but he had that same twinkle in his eye.

She now remembered what he'd told her back then about time being relative. In that way he'd made it sound not so final, even though she'd been positive it was.

And yet, with him now standing before her, in a way, it turned out he'd been right.

He was giving her a fond smile, although it seemed as if he were trying to hide some heavier emotions. Jamie himself looked as if he were trying to hold back tears.

She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder and looking up once more, she found the Doctor offering his handkerchief to her. Accepting it, she gave him a watery smile and proceeded to dry her eyes and face.

"Better?"

She nodded. "I'm sorry; I didn't expect to react quite like this. I -"

"You have nothing to apologize for, my dear," he admonished her softly. "You're human. It was a completely normal reaction."

Zoe had to bite her lip to keep from crying again. Hardly anyone had said anything of the sort to her before. They'd always joked about her being an emotionless computer, and, yes, they had been correct. However, she had slowly gained a new perspective during her time spent traveling with the Doctor and Jamie, especially during their later adventures. She was still highly logical, but she'd learned not to completely shut out the emotional part of her psyche.

"Are you alright now? Do you want to tell us what you saw?" the Doctor asked.

Zoe took a deep breath and nodded. "It was like a vast amount of information being shoved into my brain in the form of images and scenes, like scenes from a film … in such a short span of time. I saw everything we'd done and experienced, all the good and the bad. It was … so much. We did travel together for quite a bit of time, didn't we." It was more of a statement than a question.

She turned to find Jamie giving her a hint of a smile.

"Aye. We did," he replied softly.

She nodded and then felt herself wince, still overwhelmed by everything that had just hit her.

"I know it's a lot," the Doctor told her. "It'll be alright once it all settles some more. Come with me and I'll make you some tea." He gestured for her to follow him and she did, Jamie behind them. Her familiarity with the TARDIS had returned and she knew they were heading for the kitchen.

Entering the room she realized it had changed slightly; not a great deal, but it certainly appeared to have been updated. Actually, compared to what she'd seen of the TARDIS' interior in general, it had hardly changed at all.

She took a seat at the table next to Jamie and across from the Doctor. He'd set a cup of tea down in front of her and, taking a sip, she inhaled deeply. It was a mild herbal tea, mostly orange with some hints of peppermint. It was quite soothing and helped melt away some of the emotional tension weighing her down.

"Thank you, Doctor."

"My pleasure, Zoe." He suddenly rose from the table. "I want to do a quick scan of the Wheel corridor just to make sure there are no residual Vashta Nerada hanging about. Jamie, would you stay with Zoe?"

She quickly turned to Jamie and caught his nod before she returned to her tea.

"I'll be back shortly," he smiled just before leaving the room.

Zoe continued to sip her tea in silence and she could feel Jamie's gaze upon her. She finally looked up and turned to meet his gaze. He was looking at her with what seemed to be a mix of fondness and concern. The thoughts of her recently returned memories suddenly began eating at her again and she felt the need to talk.

"You alright, lass?" Jamie asked her quietly.

She shook her head. "No. No, not really." Jamie's gaze prompted her to elaborate. "Please don't misunderstand me, I'm grateful to the Doctor for giving me those memories back. It was driving me mad knowing so much had happened that I didn't _know_. But the way they came back … I nearly felt as though I was drowning in them. Some of them were very intense." She paused to swallow a lump in her throat. "And some of them hurt."

Jamie nodded. "I know."

She gazed at him thoughtfully. "Was this how it was when you got your memories back?"

Jamie paused for a moment and then nodded. "Aye, sort of. I got all those pictures and visions as soon as I saw the TARDIS and then the photographs in my room. It was, as ye'd said, intense. Some of them hurt as well, especially the memories of losing people."

Zoe was glad to know she wasn't alone in feeling this way, but she did feel bad for Jamie as she knew how emotional he could be at times.

He briefly gazed at the tabletop as if trying to work up the courage to continue, and then looked back at her. "After we stopped the war games, tried tae flee with the Doctor and got caught by his people, I remember our farewell tae him and being taken away. We were sent to a Time Lord who wiped our memories and then sent us back to our own times and places. They took away our memories first and then sent us back to the transporters. I remember they wiped yers first and when they brought ye back before they took me, I saw yer face when ye looked at me. It was as though ye had no idea who I was. It hurt, Zoe. And getting that memory back … I cannae tell ye how much that hurt."

Zoe blinked to keep her tears from falling. She'd just gained that particular memory back herself: of having her memories wiped, looking at Jamie and not recognizing him at all. And especially of the pained expression on his face before she was taken away to have the procedure done.

"Yes, I remember that as well." She shuddered. "I hated it. Having to say goodbye to both you and the Doctor was the most painful memory of all..." She felt she was losing the already tenuous grip on her composure and trailed off.

Jamie must have understood because at that moment he gathered her into a hug.

"It's alright, Zoe," he murmured soothingly.

She remained in Jamie's embrace for a few moments until the pain had dulled and she allowed the comfort of his presence to envelope her. Feeling a bit of warmth in her cheeks, she finally straightened up and smoothed her hair down. "I, um … feel a bit foolish for blubbering like that," she muttered sheepishly, avoiding his gaze.

"No, Zoe. Don' feel that way. The same thing happened tae me when I got my memories back."

"But I would expect you to react that way. Myself, not so much."

Jamie's eyes widened and he seemed to be regarding her incredulously. "Well, it's a hard thing for _any_ one tae go through no matter who they are." His tone even demonstrated how taken aback he was by what she'd just said.

Zoe sighed and realized she was right. She gave him an apologetic smile and she watched the corner of his mouth twitch into a slight smile of his own. She really was glad to see him and the Doctor again, but something else was nagging at her …

"Jamie, may I ask you a question?"

He nodded. "Aye. Of course."

"Is this _really_ the reason you both came back? To save us from those things?"

Jamie immediately returned his gaze to the tabletop and she could make out the light blush staining his cheeks.

"Er, well … No. The Doctor only discovered them after we landed," he mumbled.

"Well, then, was there something else you thought was threatening our space station?"

He sighed. "No. It is true we wanted tae see if you'd got your memories back as I had, but ..."

"But that's not all," she finished for him.

Jamie shook his head. "Zoe, I dinnae know if you'll understand this, but ..." He turned to face her finally and could see how distressed he looked, as if he was harboring some sort of secret. "Well, ye now remember wha' happened after we were taken away from the Doctor. Ye know what he said and what I said aboot how he found me in prison in Scotland back in my own time and rescued me ..."

"Yes ..." She wondered where he was going with this and then felt a feeling of dread welling up inside when she thought she had a faint idea.

His gaze dropped to his hands. "Well … we were hopin' tae do the same for you. Tae rescue you, in a way." He slowly returned his gaze to her, regarding her almost tentatively.

Zoe's eyes widened and her heart began pounding. "Rescue me? From what? From my life here?" She felt almost insulted by Jamie's admission. What was he getting at? She mentally calmed herself down and decided to hear him out.

Jamie's blush seemed to deepen and he gave a slight shrug. "Look, I miss our time together traveling with the Doctor. We saw and did so many different things, things beyond our wildest dreams. Don't ye miss that?"

Zoe heaved a sigh. Damn, he was making this really difficult. She couldn't think of a time where she was more torn between wanting to explore and wanting to be safe. "No! I … I don't know. You and I and the Doctor, we had so many adventures together and we had some lovely, memorable times. But we also got into all sorts of danger. How many times did we get into situations where we'd nearly lost each other?"

Jamie first appeared a bit nonplussed and then she thought she saw a hint of stubbornness in his expression, as if he didn't want to consider her argument. "Aye, but we always pulled through. The Doctor always found a way."

She shook her head. "No. Not in the end. I don't know if I want to go through that again. If I stay here, at least my life will be more stable."

Jamie's jaw dropped. "Stable? Ye mean when there's an invasion of Cybermen or Ice Warriors or Yetis or these … these Vashta Na—whatever they are and ye've got no one here who knows how tae fight them and defend ye?!"

"I've got my memories back now! With that I should be able to help the other Wheel personnel come up with strategies and, and methods of defending the entire Wheel against -"

"It's no' the same, Zoe," Jamie interrupted firmly.

"You mean it's not the same because you and the Doctor wouldn't be here," she countered sharply. Jamie's eyes widened and she could tell he was not expecting her vehement reply. "You think we wouldn't have been able to take care of ourselves?"

"I'm no' _saying_ that. I just mean that -"

"Look, everything was fine until you two landed here and those creatures were alerted to your presence." Jamie opened his mouth to protest but she kept going. "The Doctor didn't seem too concerned about them in the library; we would have been just fine."

"Ye can't know that."

"I do!"

Jamie's jaw was set and he looked as if he were trying to keep from exploding in anger. "Just because yer a 'human computer' does no' mean ye know everything."

Zoe couldn't keep her eyes from nearly bulging out of her head as the insult had knocked her senseless. She slapped him in the face. Hard.

Stunned, she blinked away hot tears. What had she just done? She couldn't help it. That comment really hurt; not just because it usually bothered her, but because the Doctor just earlier tried to convince her of the opposite – that she was human with human emotions. Jamie himself seemed to imply that earlier as well. Maybe he'd had a point, though. She did act like a know-it-all much of the time and this situation was not something about which anyone could be a hundred percent certain, but she wanted to stay here on the Wheel and wasn't sure how else to convince him.

She turned to face him and found him staring at her in shock. His eyes were very much colored with hurt. She couldn't believe she had just hit him. She would never want to hurt Jamie, but he wasn't budging an inch and his insult had only made it worse.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Jamie stared at her for a long moment and the silence was unbearable. Finally he spoke. "No, I shouldnae have called ye that. I'm sorry." He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Zoe, all that's happened tae us... we've been through a lot, not just on our adventures with the Doctor but also this very day with those wee beasties and yer memories returning. When I got my memories back it hit me so hard: the memories of all the friends I traveled with and sayin' goodbye tae them. I missed them all so much. I still do. I'm glad tae see yer safe now, but, seeing ye again, I just ... I miss all the time we spent together with the Doctor. Ye sure ye won't come back with us?"

"I'm sorry," she told him, shaking her head. "I don't think I can. The end, it hurt too much. How do you know that getting separated from the Doctor and each other won't happen again?"

"It won't. Things are different now. The Doctor's people, they aren't around anymore. They won't be there tae separate us."

She gazed at him thoughtfully. "You know that?"

"Aye. The Doctor told me."

Jamie drove a hard bargain. He really wanted her to come back with him and Doctor so badly. She hated to break his heart, but the thought of going through anything like that again, nearly losing them countless times as well as having to say goodbye to them, was something she didn't want to entertain. Even though he seemed so sure it wouldn't happen again, there was always the possibility. She thought taking the chance was too much of a gamble.

She swallowed hard to get rid of another stubborn lump in her throat. "I'm sorry, Jamie. I really think it's best that I stay here. But, thanks to the Doctor, I remember all the adventures we had, the good times and the bad ... And I will treasure them forever. As I will treasure the both of you."

She reached up to move away the fringe of hair that had fallen into his sad, hazel eyes and held his gaze for a moment before giving him a soft kiss on the cheek.

"I'm sorry," she repeated softly.

Jamie's gaze remained on her and he nodded. The next thing she felt him taking her into his arms in another warm embrace. His grip on her was so tight it was as if he didn't want to let go.

"Please don't make this harder than it should be," she murmured, her voice muffled by his shoulder as she tried to fight back the tears.

"I'm not tryin' tae," he replied, his voice faltering somewhat. "'Suppose I'm a wee selfish for askin' so much of ye."

She sniffled. "No. I understand. Believe me, I do. But things are different and they can't go back to the way they were, no matter how much we'd like them to."

She suddenly felt Jamie go rigid and he stepped out of their embrace. The look on his face was unbearable. For a while he seemed to stare at a point in the room beyond her. Finally his gaze settled back on her and he nodded. "Aye. 'Suppose yer right."

"Oh, Jamie, I'm sorry. Really, I am."

He said not a word but continued to stare at her. He looked so lost. "No, no, that's fine, lass," he replied softly, sounding almost detached. He walked past her toward the door and without warning, suddenly rushed back and grasped her in another fierce hug. She heard him sniffle for a brief moment and felt her heart breaking. Finally he stepped back and met her gaze one last time before leaving the room. The way he looked haunted her ... like a kicked puppy.

For a while, Zoe stood, lost in thought herself and starting to have doubts about whether this decision was the right one.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Replacing his sonic screwdriver in the control room, the Doctor strode purposefully down the corridor toward the kitchen. His final sweep of the Wheel corridors came up negative for the presence of Vashta Nerada. He was satisfied they'd averted an attack, that lives were no longer in danger and they could put this whole situation to bed once and for all.

Now he could fully concentrate on that which was plaguing him more: the fallout from Zoe gaining her memories back. He hoped she was alright. Jamie had stayed with her and hopefully she'd found him a source of comfort. They did seem to have much to share in terms of recently regained memories.

Nearing the kitchen, he slowed to a stop and peered inside. Zoe was standing in the middle of the room, appearing deep in thought. Jamie was nowhere to be found.

Not wanting to startle her, he gave a soft little knock on the door jamb.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "Doctor. Er … Is everything alright out there? Are the Vashta Nerada all gone?"

The Time Lord felt his eyes narrow as he regarded her thoughtfully. She seemed very distracted, perhaps even as if she were trying to hide something.

"Yes, no sign of them anywhere. We've taken care of those little menaces once and for all."

"That's good. I'm glad we won't have to worry about them any longer." Her smile was quite forced and the tone of her voice belied the relief she was expressing. Something was definitely not right here.

"Zoe, what's the matter? Did something happen?"

Her gaze darted over to him for a split second and she then stared at the floor, as if unsure of what to say.

"Where did Jamie go?"

Still no answer.

"Come on, Zoe. Ya can't hide anything from me. You know that." He gave her a gentle, disarming smile.

She seemed to be trying for a smile of her own but it didn't quite reach her lips. "I don't think you'll like it."

"Try me."

Zoe heaved a sigh. "Well … I told Jamie I didn't want to travel with the two of you again. He was … quite upset."

The Doctor nodded. "As I would imagine he'd be." He had to admit he was more than a bit disappointed himself, but, in a way, he was also expecting this.

He met Zoe's gaze and felt his hearts breaking as he could make out the distress and shame in her expression.

"Doctor, please don't be angry with me."

That plea made his hearts break even more. "Oh, Zoe, I'm not angry. Why would I have any reason to be?"

She shook her head slightly. "I don't know. I feel badly about making Jamie upset. But, I know I can't travel with you again. After gaining those memories back, all the unpleasant ones where I'd nearly lost either of you, and especially the memory of what happened at the end when we were taken from you and each other… I couldn't bear anything like that again. It was too painful. Jamie told me it wouldn't happen, but how could we ever be absolutely certain of that?"

"Nothing is ever certain, my dear," he replied softly. "Yes, Jamie has a point in that we don't need to worry about the Time Lords any longer, but it doesn't necessarily mean we'd never be separated again."

Zoe looked at him, almost surprised. "Then you understand?"

"Of course I do." At that moment, memories of more of his beloved companions and their departures flashed in his mind. Some had happened years earlier, but it didn't make them ache any less … especially the ones whose fates were cruel. At least he'd be armed with the knowledge that Zoe was alright. "Saying goodbye is one of the most difficult things to do sometimes. But we have to be prepared for it."

"Please don't misunderstand me, Doctor. It's hard enough for me to say goodbye to the two of you again, but at least the circumstances would be much different from those we suffered last time. At least I'll know you're off traveling somewhere and I'll still have those fond memories of you both."

The Doctor's lips twitched into a fond smile. "As we will of you, Zoe."

She still appeared uneasy. "So you're alright with this, then?"

The Time Lord couldn't stop the chuckle that bubbled up from his throat as he pulled her into a hug. "Oh, Zoe, don't be daft. Of course I am. It's your decision and I respect it. I'm just glad to know you will be safe here. And this doesn't necessarily mean goodbye for good. Who knows, Jamie and I may pop up some other time, even if it's just to check on you all and make sure everything's good."

They separated and she looked at him with so much sadness in her large eyes. "But most likely you won't, will you."

"All I can say is, 'never say never.'" He gave her an affectionate pat on the shoulder.

"What about Jamie? He looked so upset when he left the room. I hate to see him this way, but I've got my mind made up. How can I get him to accept it?"

He thought for a moment. He certainly didn't expect Jamie to be happy with this outcome and he didn't want that to influence Zoe's decision at all. "Don't you worry. I'll have a word with him."

She gave him a smile that seemed grateful in nature and then rushed up to hug him. "Thank you, Doctor." She stepped back. "Really, I want to thank you for giving me my memories back. It was driving me mad not knowing about everything we had done together – you, me and Jamie."

He smiled fondly. He knew her like a book. She wouldn't be Zoe if it hadn't driven her mad. "No thanks necessary, my dear." A thought suddenly came to him. "Would you like to spend one last night in the TARDIS, in your old room perhaps?"

The sadness returned to her eyes and she shook her head. "I think it's best if I don't. I'm afraid I'll get too attached."

The Doctor nodded. "I understand. Well, we'd best be heading out soon anyway so I'll fetch Jamie and we'll have our goodbyes."

"Oh, wait! Before you do is it alright if I just spend a few last moments in the …?" She gestured down the corridor and he could tell she was referring to the Garden Room.

He chuckled. "Of course. I have to upload the scans of the Wheel corridors into the TARDIS' database for future reference anyway. Take as much time as you need."

Her face cracked open in the largest smile he'd seen on her face in ages and she nodded wordlessly before turning and heading in that direction.

Sighing, the Doctor left the room himself, heading back to the control room. Now he had the challenging task of trying to convince Jamie to let her go. It wasn't going to be easy, certainly not, but he was going to have to make Jamie understand one way or another.

* * *

Sighing, Jamie exited his room and strode down the long corridor. He'd spent quite a bit of time in there trying to think things through. Zoe's decision not to rejoin them in the TARDIS hit him like a ton of bricks. At first he was very surprised that she didn't want to travel with them through time and space, relive some of the adventures they'd had while making new ones. Of course they'd had some close calls, but the experience was so rewarding, he didn't think it was possible for anyone to say no to that.

Whom was he kidding? Had he already forgotten about Victoria and her desire to stay back on Earth? Zoe was so different, though. Even when she'd first sneaked on board, the images of the Daleks the Doctor showed her weren't enough to make her budge. What made things so different now?

Zoe had told him the memories of being forced away from the Doctor and he himself were too painful. She didn't want to go through that again, but Jamie had insisted they wouldn't have to worry about such a thing. The Doctor had told him about what happened to the Time Lords, so there was no chance they'd be punished that way again.

Deep down he admitted that maybe she was right; maybe it wasn't a guarantee that they would never have to say goodbye to each other again. Maybe he did seem very naive to even think this way.

A pang of guilt also began eating at him over calling her a 'human computer.' He'd obviously noticed she'd changed over the course of her travels with them. Hell, even her behavior after she got her memories back was enough to prove that wasn't true. But her behavior just before had really left him frustrated.

He strode to the control room, sensing the Doctor would probably be there. He was right. Entering the room, he found the Time Lord hunched over the control panel, quite absorbed in something. He was probably looking at some data or such. Trying to get his attention, Jamie scuffed his boots on the floor.

That did the trick. The Doctor turned and raised his eyebrows in apparent curiosity. "Oh. Jamie. Where've you been, lad?"

Jamie immediately dropped his gaze to the floor for a moment and then finally worked up the courage to look the Doctor in the eye. "Was in m'room for a while, just tryin' tae think things through, I suppose." His voice came out a bit more glumly than he'd wanted. "Zoe told me she doesn't want tae travel with us. She said things were too painful and there'd be more stability for her on the Wheel." He nearly choked out the last part of his sentence; it was still so hard for him to come to terms with.

He gazed at his friend, expecting him to be quite disappointed as well … maybe even offer some tactic to get her to change her mind.

Instead, the Doctor gave a little shrug. "It's not surprising."

His reaction caused Jamie to do a double take. "Eh?"

"She did say that being separated from us was too painful and she didn't want to be in that situation again. I can understand Zoe wanting stability. That's how she's programmed."

Jamie's eyes widened as a spark of anger ignited inside him. "'Programmed'? Oh, aye, because she's a _'human computer.'_ Thank ye for remindin' me, Doctor. I'd nearly forgotten."

The Doctor looked as if he were trying to keep himself from wincing. Jamie had nearly surprised himself with the sarcastic, almost belittling edge to his own voice.

The Doctor recovered and regarded him indignantly. "That's not what I meant, Jamie. Calm down!"

"No, I will not, Doctor. If ye knew she was gannae refuse tae come back, why didn't ye tell me?!"

"Because I _didn't_ know. Not a hundred percent, anyway. I was afraid she might feel this way but there's always a chance. And I sympathize with her, wanting stability. In truth I'd rather give her that than to get her into situations where her life would be in nearly constant danger."

Jamie narrowed his eyes. "What?"

"It's like a Catch-22. I've never been one to enjoy loneliness. I've loved each and every one of my companions and I wish I never had to say goodbye to any of them. But there comes a time when you wish you could give them some safety and stability instead of plunging them into dangerous, life-threatening – even hopeless in some cases – situations."

Jamie gazed thoughtfully at the Doctor and found himself sympathizing with his emotional pain. After all the incarnations the Time Lord had been through, he must have had so many friends on board the TARDIS with whom he had to say goodbye. He couldn't imagine how painful that must have been, especially after what he'd been through with Clara.

He realized he felt the same about Zoe, in a way. He was elated to see her again, to have her back on the TARDIS and just spend time with her. But he also didn't want her life in danger. He would naturally do all he could to protect her, as he always did, but what if things got so bad he or the Doctor were incapable of doing so? It would give some small comfort to know she was in a relatively safe environment. If they were ever threatened by something like this again, at least she'd be armed with the knowledge on how to stop them. And perhaps they could still check in on her from time to time …

"Yer right, Doctor," he finally admitted. "I'm not happy aboot this but I suppose it's best for Zoe." He began to feel a bit awkward and his gaze settled on a dark spot on the floor. "D-d'ya think we'd still able tae check on her sometime and make sure she's alright?"

"There's always the option, Jamie," the Doctor smiled. "Now, why don't we go and talk to Zoe before she heads off?"

Jamie nodded and felt the corner of his mouth tug into a slight smile. "Aye."

The Doctor patted him on the shoulder and the two set off down the corridor toward the Garden Room.

* * *

Taking a deep breath, Zoe inhaled the sweet perfume of lavender that grew in this corner of the garden. She still wasn't quite sold on the idea of aromatherapy health benefits, but she'd be lying if she didn't think the soothing scent helped ease the stress she'd been under recently.

She opened her eyes and took in the beauty and serenity of this incredible room. Yes, she would certainly miss it, as she would miss the TARDIS itself and, most importantly, the Doctor and Jamie. A small part of her wished it didn't have to be this way, that she could stay with them and join them on more adventures through time and space. But there was still no guarantee they wouldn't get separated from each other, perhaps in a way more painful than the last time. She just couldn't go through that ever again. The Doctor seemed to take it alright, but Jamie was another story. She hated seeing him heartbroken, but her mind was made up and she hoped he could respect that.

Sighing, she'd realized she'd lost track of time; something that seemed to happen all too often when in she was in this room. She didn't want to drag this out any longer and decided she'd best go and find them so they could say their goodbyes.

She was about to head out of the room when she heard what sounded like mournful birdsong, as if the birds themselves had sensed her imminent departure. She chuckled inwardly, thinking how ridiculous that sounded. She again attempted to turn back and head for the doors, but her feet weren't listening to her head, apparently. Damn, why was this so difficult?!

Another soft knock on the door jamb brought her out of it.

"Zoe? May we come in?" the Doctor asked.

She didn't dare turn to face them. "Oh, yes. Of course," she replied, trying to keep her voice steady.

She heard two sets of footsteps drawing closer until they stopped mere feet away. Finally she turned and found her two friends gazing pointedly at her. The Doctor appeared resigned and Jamie still looked sad, but not as unbearable as he had earlier.

"We came to say goodbye," the Doctor continued.

She nodded. "I suppose I've spent longer in here than I'd planned." She chuckled sheepishly and then gestured to her surroundings. "It's so beautiful in here. I'm going to miss it."

She returned her gaze to them and found Jamie with a slight smile on his face, perhaps with a bit of fondness. "Might ye be havin' second thoughts?" His tone sounded almost hopeful. She hated to disappoint him but she had arrived at this decision and there was no going back.

She noticed the Doctor nudging him and giving a surreptitious shake of his head. Jamie looked away almost shamefully for a moment and then met her gaze again. "I'm sorry, I shouldnae have asked that. Zoe, it's yer decision and I respect it."

Her lips lifted into a sad smile and her eyes pricked with tears. She tried in earnest to wish them away. "Believe me, if things were different and there wasn't even a faint possibility that we could lose each other in such a horrible way again … But I've made up my mind. I really think this is for the best."

He nodded. "Aye." He stared at her for a moment and then, without warning, rushed up and captured her in a tight hug.

The shaky grip on her composure crumbled and the tears spilled forth in earnest. She felt Jamie patting down the hair at the back of her head and she relaxed into him. Despite all the bickering they'd engaged in during their time together, he'd always been quite protective of her and a great source of comfort.

She was really going to miss him. She was really going to miss them both.

She wasn't sure how long they'd hugged, but a familiar, impatient voice suddenly broke in ...

"Hey, don't forget this old chap. I may be an ornery sort, but I still love a good hug now and then!"

Laughter bubbled up inside Zoe as she stepped out of Jamie's embrace and turned to find the Doctor holding his arms out, appearing almost hurt until the twinkle in his eye appeared and he winked at her. She briefly turned to find Jamie aiming a teasing eye roll in the Time Lord's direction before turning back to her with a 'there he goes again' lopsided grin.

"Of course I'm not forgetting you, Doctor," she smiled as she neared him. He gathered her into a warm embrace. She sighed contentedly as she felt his hands patting her on the back.

She felt his grip on her relax and she stepped out of his embrace. Even as he regarded her fondly she could see the sadness in his eyes. She saw him share a look with Jamie and he gestured to the doors, hinting for them to exit.

"Come, my dear. The rest of your life awaits you."

Traversing the corridor in silence with them toward the control room, Zoe winced inwardly at how final that sounded. But the Doctor had just told her 'never say never.'

She wouldn't mind them dropping by now and again, even if it took some time. She just had to remind herself not to hold her breath.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note:** Here's the final chapter! In case you're wondering about the end, I did leave it open somewhat because I'm planning a series of sorts, mainly focusing on Jamie and his adventures with ... well, I don't want to spoil it. ;) I hope to start work on that story/series soon, so it's not really the end by any means! Thanks to everyone who's been following this story. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. :)

Chapter 14

Having bid a final farewell, Jamie gazed at Zoe's retreating form. She'd gotten about halfway down the corridor when she suddenly stopped and turned, looking back at him and the Doctor. Jamie raised his hand in a wave, trying hard to wish away the tears that had gathered at the corners of his eyes. Zoe simply nodded with a slight smile and a little wave of her own before turning back and heading further away. She'd disappeared around a corner and that was that. She was gone.

Jamie sighed heavily, replaying the events of the last few minutes in his mind. After they'd taken turns with their hugs and kisses, Jamie had asked if they'd ever see her again. Perhaps that wasn't a fair question, but he had to know the possibility was there for his own peace of mind. After a bit of hesitation Zoe replied she didn't know, that it would be nice but she wouldn't wait for them.

He suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder and turned his gaze to meet the Doctor's somewhat resigned expression, gesturing for them to go.

"Will she be alright, Doctor?" Jamie asked as they returned to the TARDIS.

"I'm sure she will be, Jamie. And, no, it's not out of the question for us to return and check on her sometime."

"Aye, if the TARDIS can get us there," Jamie replied cynically.

The Doctor almost seemed insulted. "Hey, she got us here this time."

"True," Jamie conceded. The control room lights suddenly blinked in obvious disapproval. He gazed up at the ceiling, waving a hand in surrender. "Sorry, I didnae mean that."

He turned to find the Doctor chuckling and he felt a smile of his own tugging at his lips.

The Time Lord sighed, a look of deep introspection on his face. Jamie wondered what was going through that mind of his. They'd been through so much recently, not to mention all he'd been through before he'd found and rescued Jamie.

Whatever it was, it seemed to have passed or else he shoved it to the back of his mind for another time. His expression had changed and he was now rubbing his hands together, almost in anticipation. "So! Where to now?"

Jamie blinked in surprise. To be honest, he hadn't given that any thought. He was still trying to get used to the idea of Zoe not joining them, not to mention still digesting what she'd said about things being different now.

Suddenly feeling himself grow very tired, he stifled a yawn. "Actually, if it's all the same tae you, Doctor, I'd like tae go and have a lie down for a wee while. After all the excitement today I feel like I could drop off any moment now." He gave him an awkward smile.

The Doctor smiled back. "Understood, my boy. Go on. You've earned it." He patted him gently on the shoulder.

"Ah, thank ye," Jamie returned, nodding. With that, he headed down the corridor toward his room.

* * *

Blinking, Jamie gazed around his dimly lit room. He'd woken with a start after what seemed to be a very refreshing nap. He'd collapsed onto his bed and didn't take long to succumb to his exhaustion. Squinting at his wristwatch, he was stunned to find he'd slept for about four hours. He really did need that nap after all. Something had caused him to stir, though, and he realized the words Zoe had spoken earlier to him had been echoing through his mind. Not only that but the Doctor's words about how he didn't enjoy being alone but didn't want to keep his companions in dangerous situations, and about especially about how he would rather have given Zoe stability, were weighing heavily on his mind.

 _Stability_. His brain honed in on that word. He had always enjoyed traveling with the Doctor. He'd become like a father to him and Jamie owed him his life, especially after he'd rescued him from prison. But maybe Zoe was right: things were different now and they couldn't go back to the way they were.

Yes, he was still the Doctor, with the familiar twinkle in his eye. But his erratic behavior left Jamie very unsettled. He'd put up with a lot from the Time Lord, even going back to when he'd first come aboard the TARDIS. He especially tried to cut him some slack after what he'd recently gone through losing Clara, but at times he seemed like a real Jekyll-and-Hyde type character. Even though he went to great lengths to save the people of the Wheel, the fact he could have put his and Zoe's lives in danger with that spacesuit mix-up bothered Jamie. At the moment, the Doctor was the complete picture of _in_ stability.

He also thought about what Zoe herself had said regarding stability. The very word practically conveyed boredom to Jamie. He was always up for an adventure as long as it wasn't too dangerous and didn't threaten the lives of those he loved, though he had come to learn that was the price you often paid. He couldn't give that up easily, but there had to be a happy medium somewhere. Perhaps some … time off? The Doctor seemed to not be dwelling on Clara any longer, although Jamie had to make sure of that. If he was feeling better, perhaps it would be a good time to take a break. He had to think of something and maybe the Doctor would be open to some suggestions.

He bent over the side of his bed to put his boots on and lace them up. Nearing the mirror, he caught sight of his rumpled hair and quickly smoothed it down. He then left the room in search of the Doctor.

As he padded further down the corridor he began to hear the faint strains of music. As he got closer to that room called the studio, he could make it out clearer. It sounded like that typical loud noise the Doctor had played on his guitar earlier, but he thought he heard bagpipes mixed in as well. What on earth kind of tune was that?

He curiously stuck his head inside the room and found the Doctor sitting, wearing his sunglasses and bopping his head back and forth to the music that was blasting out of a stereo system against the wall. As he shyly entered the room, Jamie tried to tune out the loud noise part and focus on the bagpipes, but that was nearly impossible. Suddenly realizing how loud the music actually was, he winced.

The Doctor must have noticed him because he suddenly turned toward the stereo system, picked up a tiny device and pushed a button on it. The music stopped.

He then turned back to Jamie, removing his sunglasses. "It's a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock 'n' Roll)." AC/DC. Nineteen hundred and seventy-six." He smiled. "Good stuff, isn't it?"

Jamie gave him a small shrug. "Well, I can't argue with the use of the 'pipes." He bit his lip to keep from adding, _"That other rubbish, though ..."_

The Doctor chuckled. "This is what I meant when I said the two of us could start up a band: Myself rocking out on the guitar, you joining in on the bagpipes."

The mere thought made Jamie cringe. He was still trying to figure out how to broach the subject he'd been agonizing over and the Doctor was back to this again.

"So! Have you given any thought as to where we should go next?" the Time Lord suddenly asked, the enthusiasm in his voice making Jamie cringe even more. This was not going to be easy.

Jamie sighed and suddenly felt very awkward. "Listen, Doctor, I … I've been thinking, aboot what Zoe said and aboot what ye said … all that stuff aboot stability and ..."

"What are you trying to say, Jamie?"

Unable to look the Doctor in the eye, his gaze dropped to the floor. "I'm sayin' that … maybe it would be better if I didnae travel with ye."

He tentatively lifted his gaze and found his friend eyeing him almost as if he were shocked.

The Doctor then started chuckling."Oh, come on. You're not serious."

"Aye, Doctor. I think I am."

The Doctor was clearly taken aback and Jamie thought he saw some hurt coloring his eyes. It made him feel slightly ashamed.

"Er, I mean, maybe not forever, but … y'know … maybe just temporarily?"

The Doctor stared at him as if he were trying to decipher a riddle and Jamie felt the need to explain himself a little more. "Look, ye rescued me and I'm forever grateful for that. I owe ye my life. When I came back with ye I thought things would be like they used tae be. I wanted tae see our friends again and make sure they were safe, but deep down I would have loved for them tae come back as well. I missed the time we spent with them. But Zoe was right: things can't be the way they were no matter how much we'd want them tae be."

The Doctor's expression prompted him to continue. "And what aboot what ye just said, that ye didn't want tae say goodbye tae anyone but ye still wish ye could give them safety and stability, not getting them into dangerous situations?"

He seemed to seriously be considering Jamie's point, although he'd raised an eyebrow when Jamie mentioned stability again.

"Now, I don' mean stability the way Zoe did. I could never picture myself like her, sitting in front of a computer and entering that data stuff all day long. If I ever found myself in that situation, surely I would be thinking 'Och, take me away, Phantom Piper! Please!'" He briefly chuckled.

The Doctor echoed his chuckle. "That you would, McCrimmon."

Jamie's lips tugged upward in a lopsided grin. "Aye." His grin faded and he eyed the Doctor seriously. "But I need some time, some space. D'ya understand?"

The Time Lord seemed to be pondering this. "Mm, yes. You mean sort of like 'down time'?"

"Aye, exactly. I mean, this would no' be goodbye forever. I'd still be happy tae see ye again some time."

The Doctor sighed and Jamie instantly regretted his phrasing. He didn't want him to think he wanted to stay away from him completely or for what would seem like many years.

"I suppose you're right. After what happened with Clara and how badly I felt that I couldn't save her, I wanted to save _some_ one. Someone else who'd also meant a great deal to me. And after all this time, I still feel very badly about what the Time Lords did to you and Zoe. I thought maybe I could have … given you both a second chance."

Jamie felt his heart breaking all over again. He sighed and approached the Doctor, taking a seat next to him. "Doctor, what happened tae me and Zoe wasn't yer fault. Ye had no choice."

"I know." He uttered a humorless chuckle. "You'd think that after I'd been through so many incarnations, I'd have learnt my lesson."

Jamie's eyebrows drew together in confusion. "Eh?"

The Doctor met his gaze. "You'd think I'd have learnt not to get too attached because it's always painful saying goodbye."

Jamie's heart overflowed with sympathy and he leaned in closer to the Doctor. "But, y'see, that's what I always loved about ye, Doctor. That ye cared so much aboot me and everyone else. That's no' a bad thing at all. It made ye different from the other Time Lords who were so uncaring in what they did tae punish ye."

The Doctor gazed at him for a moment and then nodded. "Well, I suppose there's that."

"Of course there's that. Ye made a difference in our lives, Doctor. I learnt a lot from ye during our travels. More than I can say. I will always be grateful for that."

The Doctor gazed at him thoughtfully and a soft smile spread across his face. Jamie really hoped he understood how much he'd meant to them all.

"So, ya really want to leave then, eh?"

Jamie's gaze briefly dropped to his hands and he sighed. "Aye. But no' like Zoe. I just need some …"

"Time and space," the Doctor finished for him. "Right. Where would you like to go?"

He wished he'd thought that out further. "I dinnae know."

The Doctor assumed a thoughtful expression. "Well … When I'd first met you, your Laird McLaren and Kirsty had set off for Paris. Would you like me to take you there to spend some time with them?"

Jamie was initially surprised by the offer. Had he truly forgotten about his family – er, his other family before he'd met the Doctor? Thoughts of them tucked deeply inside his mind had arisen from time to time, making him wonder what had happened to them. To see his Laird and Kirsty again? Surely he couldn't say no to that.

"Aye, I would!" he replied, feeling his face crack wide open in a huge smile.

The Doctor smiled back and patted him on the shoulder. "Alright, then. Off we go!"

Jamie watched the Doctor tap a few keys and within moments the TARDIS was humming away, charting a course for that destination.

* * *

"Well, this should be it," the Doctor confirmed as he looked at the screens showing what appeared to be Paris in April, 1746. The TARDIS scans seemed to confirm this as well.

Hearing footsteps, he turned to see Jamie entering the room with a knapsack. He had mentioned taking some of his clothes and a few other items with him. The Time Lord surmised that he wanted to bring a few mementos – perhaps pictures of his friends. That last thought gave him an idea and he raced up the stairs, grabbing an old instant camera from one of the desks.

"Before you go," he started, heading back over to Jamie who was staring bewilderingly at the item in his hands. "Might we take a selfie?"

"Eh?"

The Doctor had to bite back a chuckle at Jamie's confusion. "It's where you take a photo of yourself."

"Oh ..." Jamie mused thoughtfully before giving the Doctor a shrug. "Alright."

The Doctor gestured for Jamie to stand next to him and he stuck the instant camera in front of them. "Say 'Oh my giddy aunt!'"

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jamie briefly turn and give him a wide-eyed, almost shocked, reaction.

"Can't believe I just said that. Never mind. Say 'cheese.'"

He snapped the picture and then snapped another for good measure. As the picture was nearly finished developing, he handed it to Jamie to keep with him.

Looking at it with what seemed to be fondness and maybe a touch of sadness, Jamie put it in his bag and then nodded.

The Doctor could feel a lump forming in his throat and he swallowed around it. He was happy to save Jamie and have him back on the TARDIS, but he respected the young man's desire to have some time apart for a while.

Pushing a button, he watched the TARDIS doors open and he gestured outside. "There you are. Paris, April the twentieth, seventeen hundred and forty-six."

Jamie walked past him, nodding and the Doctor smiled as he watched the boy's face fill with wonder as he gazed at the view before them. They appeared to be on the outskirts of the city in some sort of park. The Time Lord watched Jamie take a few steps out of the TARDIS before turning back around and rushing up to him, hugging him tightly.

The Doctor blinked to keep the tears at the corners of his eyes from traveling down his face and making him look like a blubbering idiot. "Take care of yourself, Jamie," he said, ruffling up Jamie's hair affectionately. He smiled as the boy self-consciously smoothed his hair down.

"Thank ye for all ye've done for me, Doctor. I won't forget it, ye know."

The Doctor gazed at him a moment, stricken by what Jamie had just said. It was very close to what he'd said just before he and Zoe were being taken away from him after the war games ended. He banished it for good, reminding himself that things were different. Forcing a smile, he nodded.

"I'll come back to visit sometime if that's alright."

"Of course. But please dinnae take as long as ye did this time," he joked, his face scrunching into a pained expression.

Laughing heartily, the Doctor pat him on the back. "I'll try not to. Really, I will."

Jamie's grin faded and he gazed seriously at the Doctor. "Don't be a stranger, now," he said, pointing at him.

"I won't, McCrimmon. Ya got my word."

Jamie nodded and his serious facade broke, testament to the lopsided grin on his face. He started to leave the TARDIS and then turned to face the Doctor again, giving him a final wave.

Returning the wave, the Time Lord watched as his young friend stepped out and started walking, on a path to reclaim part of who he was before he'd even met the Doctor. All he himself could do was watch him go and hope he would be happy.

* * *

Suddenly feeling quite tired, the Doctor sauntered back inside the TARDIS, heading straight for the console. He wasn't exactly sure where he wanted to go, but he knew he had to leave. He flipped a few switches to get the TARDIS back on its way to drift about through time and space. Sitting back onto the jump seat, he sighed.

"Well, Old Girl, I suppose Jamie's happy now. And I should be happy, but … I dunno, something's nagging at me."

He sat, chin held up by his hand and stared glumly at the console. He barely noticed the lights above had started to blink in quick succession.

"What?" he asked morosely.

Suddenly a large block of text appeared on one of the screens. Scanning it intently, the Doctor realized it had to do with Jamie's adopted family and their fate. "What?! The McLarens aren't there?" Reading further, he discovered they'd actually never made it to Paris. According to the records, their boat was thrown off course and they ended up on Guernsey in the Channel.

He glared angrily up at the ceiling. "So, I just dropped Jamie off there alone?! Why the hell didn't you volunteer this information before I got him there?!" he fumed. He couldn't believe this had happened. Perhaps it was his own fault. He could have double checked to make sure they were actually there and not just assume it. Poor Jamie. He had rescued him from prison in Scotland and saved him from getting eaten alive by the Vashta Nerada. Now he'd left him all alone in mid-eighteenth-century Paris to fend for himself. How could he have been so careless?

Feeling a bit helpless, he dropped back down onto the seat and sighed heavily. "Well, better alone than with the Redcoats, I suppose." The guilt from leaving Jamie all alone was still eating away at him, though. Perhaps if he hadn't been acting so erratically lately, Jamie would not have wanted to leave in the first place. He had to admit he hadn't been the best of company. He wished he could just go back for Jamie, look up the McLarens' location in Guernsey and bring him there instead. At least he'd be with someone familiar instead of completely on his own.

He suddenly felt the TARDIS communicating with him.

 _'Do not worry, dear Doctor. All is well.'_

"'All is well?' Oh, how I wish I could be certain of that ..."

At some point his exhaustion must have overtaken his guilt as he felt himself drifting off to sleep. He wasn't sure how long he'd out when a vibrating jolt suddenly forced him awake. Reluctantly opening an eye, he noticed the TARDIS lights blinking again, accompanied by a sound of alarm.

"First you withhold important information related to one of my closest friends and now you rudely awaken me – again! Of all the ..."

He stopped, noticing one of the scanners brighten and a message appearing.

'Incoming video feed'...

"What the ...?"

Tapping a key, he accepted the transmission and a video feed soon appeared on the screen. The Doctor's eyes widened upon the sight in the video window.

"Um … Doctor? I'm no' quite sure how this works ..."

"Jamie," he breathed. There on the video feed was his old friend, the one to which he'd just bid a (hopefully not final) goodbye. The colors in the video were a bit off, but the picture was pretty good and Jamie was looking very well. He was relieved just to see that. He couldn't make out much from the background to tell where he was exactly. It seemed to be a room with darkened wood paneling.

"If ye can see this message, I'm no' in Paris. I suppose I should've expected that. I mean, it's the TARDIS, eh?" He uttered a brief, awkward chuckle. "But it's alright; this is not so bad either. I'm in London and the date is ..." He suddenly turned to pick up a newspaper and held it up to the camera.

The Doctor squinted at the print on the paper which told him the date where Jamie was: November 22, 1971. London in the early 1970s? Interesting. Jamie had been to London before, most notably during the adventure with the Yetis in the Underground and then the Cybermen invasion, both in the late 1960s. At least this time period wasn't too different.

"I've been here for aboot a fortnight. I know yer probably worried aboot leavin' me alone, but I hope it puts yer mind at ease tae know that I'm not. I've actually found some old friends."

The Time Lord looked on curiously as Jamie turned and gestured for someone to join him in front of the camera. He seemed to have to coax whomever it was to not be shy and come in front. The Doctor's jaw dropped when a young, familiar-looking girl finally joined him.

"Ye remember this lass?" Jamie was now grinning as he had an arm around the shoulder of Victoria Waterfield. She was wearing a short dress of typical early 1970s fashion and her brown hair was in a long, layered shag style. Jamie then turned his head in the other direction, gesturing for someone else to come in front of the camera.

"And these two?" He smiled fondly at the blonde-haired young man and lady who quickly joined him.

"Ben and Polly!" the Doctor exclaimed. They were both looking very well and happy. He could just barely make out the rings on their fingers, assuming they'd both tied the knot at some point. It warmed his hearts.

"Eh, Doctor!" Ben addressed the camera jovially. "As you can see we're keepin' your old mate here company. Not to worry!" He suddenly turned to Polly who appeared to be gazing at him pointedly. "Oh, ya got something to say, Duchess?" She nudged him in the ribs and he turned back to the camera, smiling sheepishly.

"Hello, Doctor! We hope you are doing well." The Doctor could see Jamie turning to her and appearing a bit impatient, which she seemed to pick up on. "Oh! Well it'd be nice to see you again sometime. Ta!" With that, they all stepped back or out of frame as Jamie stepped closer to the camera.

"So as ye can see I'm no' all alone. I suppose yer also wonderin' how I was able tae send ye this message." He briefly turned his head, almost conspiratorially before addressing the Doctor again. "I got this video device from Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart. It's like the wrist communicators we used when we first met the Ice Warriors, but a bit nicer, and, er … no' tae be worn on the wrist..."

The Doctor smiled fondly at Jamie's sudden awkwardness.

"Anyway he lent me this so I could contact ye and let ye know I'm alright. I've been staying in touch with him and UNIT. Ye might say I'm on the lookout for anything weird. They say they trust me after all I've done helping them with the Yeti situation and the Cybermen attack. They say I'm a … 'valuable resource.'" He smiled proudly and the Doctor couldn't help but join in.

"Oh! I almost forgot tae mention: I've also seen ye, I mean the other you; the one who came after 'my' version of ye. Seems a nice chappie and he really does no' look much different from ye." A playful smirk seemed to be growing on Jamie's face. "I've met Jo as well. She's quite pretty." Jamie's smirk had morphed into a rakish, lopsided grin.

"Watch it, boy," the Doctor grumbled, even though he was aware Jamie couldn't hear it.

Almost as if he expected such a reaction, Jamie held his hands up placatingly. "Oh, not tae worry, I've been nothing but professional with her. Besides that, I can tell she's no' interested."

The Doctor shrugged. "Huh. Too bad."

He could see Jamie gazing ahead at something on the camera. "I dinnae know how much power is left in this thing so I'll hurry it up. Doctor, ye don't have tae worry aboot me. I'm alright and even though the TARDIS didnae get me where I wanted tae go, I'm happy now. I've got a place tae live, I've got my friends, and I'm helping tae defend Earth against any nasty beasties. I'd still like tae see ye again, but … I dunno, I'm still tryin' tae get used tae all these different versions of ye." He had an uneasy expression on his face that made the Doctor chuckle.

"No worries, my boy. I understand," the Time Lord said softly.

The video feed started to break up a bit, probably nearing the end of its battery life. "Alright. I'd better go. Doctor, I hope ye received this message. Not tae worry, I'm alright." With a content little smile, he waved at the camera and the Doctor could make out Victoria, Ben and Polly in the background just before the video feed cut out.

* * *

The TARDIS watched as the Doctor sat staring at the screen, almost transfixed. He seemed to be deep in thought, but from the smile on his face she could tell he was feeling better.

"Well, although I hate to admit it, you were right again, Old Girl," he addressed her, patting her console affectionately. She whirred happily. "I owe you an apology. Here I thought I was leaving Jamie all by himself in Paris, but turns out you took him to London instead, where his old friends and mine are there to keep him company. And helping out UNIT? Not bad. I wonder if he'll ever tire of staying on Earth. Well. If that's the case, we can always pay a visit and take him for another adventure."

She gave him her version of a nod.

"For now I'm glad he's happy and doing so well; not just him, but Victoria and Ben and Polly as well. Maybe that old adage is wrong; maybe you really can go home again, in a way."

The Doctor sat there for a while before he ended up dozing against the console. The little smile on his face told her she had succeeded. He was happy. And so was she.

He'd needed this, and she had given it to him.

 _Sleep well, dear Doctor._

Beaming, she started humming away, careful not to wake him as he was mired in sweet slumber.

 _Mission Accomplished._

THE END

(Or is it...?)


End file.
